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Jewish World Review
May 5, 2005
/ 26 Nissan, 5765
Poll: Paula Abdul is evil incarnate
Primetime Live allegations tarnish diva's image
One day after ABC broadcast a "Primetime Live" investigation of possible wrongdoing in the production and judging of Fox's smash hit "American Idol," a new poll shows 71% of those surveyed agreeing with the statement, "Paula Abdul is evil incarnate."
Ms. Abdul, who at the outset of her stint as a judge on the top-rated program garnered wide popularity for her spunk and girl-next-door charm, appears to have taken it on the chin as a result of the current allegations, with a clear majority agreeing with the statement, "Paula Abdul is the evil spawn of Satan."
According to the survey results, Ms. Abdul's popularity has plummeted following the ABC broadcast, with her meager approval rating of 4% well below that of terrorist madman Osama bin Laden (7%), North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il (9%), and Beelzebub (13%).
Moments after the poll results were announced, Fox spokesman Dianna McCleod made the following statement to the press: "We are aware that some members of the viewing public now believe Paula is the Antichrist, and we at Fox are working overtime to change that perception."
Ms. McCleod said that some of Ms. Abdul's behavior that made people equate her with the Prince of Darkness is the result of a medical condition for which she is currently being treated, and added that "the poll numbers, while negative, have a margin of error of plus or minus four points."
Elsewhere, in a sign that singer Michael Jackson is deeply in debt, he appeared in court today carrying a sign reading "Will Lick Your Child's Head for Food."
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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