Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 11, 2013/ 1 Iyar, 5773

Your next iPhone!

By Mark Bazer




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | "Apple Inc. plans to begin production of a refreshed iPhone ... in the second quarter of the year, according to people familiar with the device's production, teeing up a possible summer launch for the next version of its flagship device." -- The Wall Street Journal

The iPhone has come a long way since it first came on the market in 2007. It's difficult to remember now, but the original iPhone was hardly the robust smartphone it is today. In fact, the first-generation model only allowed users to make basic phone calls -- and only to tell people that they had an iPhone.

It wasn't until the third-generation iPhone that the late Apple founder Steve Jobs could confidently announce, "Finally, we have given to the world a device that allows you to completely shut out your surroundings." With each new iPhone comes, of course, improvements. And with each new announcement of a new iPhone comes rumors of what those improvements will be.

While most of those rumors don't turn out to be true, we have the inside scoop that the next-model iPhone will indeed include the following exciting features.


  • Senses whether fingertips belong to a 2-year-old -- and immediately turns off ability to make outgoing phone calls.

  • Sobs loudly, uncontrollably for one month if stolen.

  • Acknowledges that you don't care what the time is in Cupertino.

  • Includes more megapixels than you can conceive of. Go ahead: How many megapixels can you conceive of? ... OK, that's pretty good. The new iPhone will have one more than that.

  • Doesn't allow Fandango to text you when "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" tickets go on sale.

  • Includes never-before-released footage of Steve Jobs talking trash about Angry Birds.

  • Arrives preloaded with all photos that will ever exist of Kim Kardashian.

  • Enables Suri to communicate with your Segway.

  • Replaces Maps app with vintage gas-station road map of Indiana.

  • Syncs iPhone's calendar with any wall calendar (except Chippendales).

  • Lets you tap iPhone on people's heads to convey information without actually talking.

  • Syncs all your sinks.

  • Allows you to make purchases by simply winking knowingly at device.

  • Blocks out Facebook friends' posts that would engender self-hatr

  • Quietly snickers whenever you pass somebody with a BlackBerry.

  • Runs on 9-volt battery.

  • Texts you with rumors about the next iPhone.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


Comment by clicking here.Mark Bazer is a writer living a few blocks away from Chicago.


Previously:



04/01/13 A fish-out-of-water tale


© MARK BAZER DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.

Quantcast