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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 15, 2013/ 5 Iyar, 5773

Freedom of speech? Not for commencement

By Mitch Albom








http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | TO: ________

RE: Commencement Speech

Dear ________

Congratulations! We here at ______ University would like to invite you to be our commencement speaker. This, as you know, is a great honor. You would join the ranks of ______ last year and ______ the year before and also _______, who was going to be our speaker this year, but, unfortunately, had to be dropped due to protest from the student body. Not the entire student body. Certain members. Seven members, to be exact. Seven loud, sign-waving, endlessly blogging members.

But we here at ______ University think every voice should count.

Would your voice be available next Sunday?

Before you commit (well, to be honest, before we commit) we'd like to confirm a few small things. Just standard questions. You understand.

For example, have you ever owned a gun, fired a gun, asked someone else to fire a gun or taken away a gun? Have you ever told anyone at a cocktail party that guns should be outlawed or that everyone should have at least eight guns in their kitchen, and, if so, what are the chances there was a tape recorder at that cocktail party?

If you answered "no," great! The deal's still on. Please continue. Just a few more.

Skeletons in the past?

Are you currently straight, gay, bi or transgender, or have you ever been straight, gay, bi or transgender? If you answered "yes" or "no," that's fine. If you answered "Hell, no," we would like to withdraw our offer.

Have you ever expressed an opinion on conservative politicians, liberal politicians, the president, the vice president, foreign leaders or foreign secretaries? Have you ever dated your secretary?

Still "no"? Wonderful. This only confirms what an excellent choice you are for our commencement.

Just a few more items.

Have you ever made a comment about race, slavery, immigration, religion, atheism, cannibalism or witchcraft?

Have you ever e-mailed, tweeted, posted, Facebooked, blogged or Instagrammed any thoughts on pornography? Have you ever posed in any state of undress? Have you ever stuck a camera down your pants and sent that to someone?

Just standard questions.

Only a few more.

The Snooki Factor?

You understand our concern, of course. With the recent cancellation of commencement speakers at Swarthmore (Robert Zoellick, the former World Bank president) and Johns Hopkins (Ben Carson, the world-renowned neurosurgeon) we can't be too careful. After all, Zoellick was protested over his previous support of the Iraq war. And Carson withdrew after making comments about gay marriage on the Sean Hannity show.

No one is safe. There have been protests over President George W. Bush, President Barack Obama and Sarah Palin speaking. Even James Franco, the actor, was heavily criticized when speaking at UCLA. And that's in Los Angeles! They love actors there!

By the way, have you ever been in a movie - one that we should know about, that is? A small film? Involving nudity of any kind?

Have you ever been in the cast of "Jersey Shore"? We all remember the fuss when Snooki talked at Rutgers. I'm sure you agree, we don't want that!

Because after all, this is about the students, right? All the students. Every one of the students. Every blessed, single, angry, vocal, opinionated, self-indulgent one of the students--

Sorry. This has been a frustrating process. To be honest, we are only asking you after striking out with ______ and ______ and all nine members of ______ and the entire cast of ______.

Assuming you have made it this far, please accept our offer of a cap, gown and hood, plus a wonderful spread of coffee and assorted pastries.

We regret to say there is no speaker's fee, as too many students protested that we could better use the money on something important, like HBO for their dormitories.

Looking forward to the wisdom you will impart to our graduates. Kindly remember no cursing, blue humor or compliments of any kind about a person's looks.

Oh. And if you exceed 15 minutes, your microphone will be cut off, in fairness to the Short Attention Span Club.

Remember, inclusive, inclusive, inclusive! It's what makes our university so exclusive.

Warm regards,

________________


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