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Jewish World Review April 17, 2012/ 25 Nissan, 5772 'Ask Dr. Politics! By Roger Simon
Q: What is all this controversy about the Buffet Rule? Why is President Obama for it, and why are the Republicans against it? A: The Buffet Rule is simple: You grab a plate, you walk down the line, and you load your plate with food. But the Republicans want those making more than $1 million a year to be able to load up on shrimp, smoked salmon and those little pink baby lamb chops. The rest of us would be left with the three-bean salad and the pigs-in-blankets. Also, for the 1 percent, it would be all-you-can-eat. Q: That doesn't seems fair. A: Well, there is no point in being rich unless you can lord it over somebody. But under Obama's Buffet Rule, the middle class and poor not only would be able to go through the line first, but they could go through it like Sherman went through Georgia. They wouldn't even need plates. They could just grab whatever they wanted and stuff it in their mouths. Also, only the rich would have to use sneeze guards. Q: Why do I keep reading that Mitt Romney has won the nomination? How many delegates does he actually have? A: Nobody knows. Really. The Real Clear Politics count has Romney with 656, Rick Santorum with 272, Newt Gingrich with 140 and Ron Paul with 67. The Republican National Committee has Romney 573, Santorum 202, Gingrich 132 and Ron Paul 26. Politico has a different count based on the "Associated Press, Republican National Committee documents and Politico research" that shows Romney at 661. And the Moon Colony count shows Gingrich one delegate away from victory with 1,143 delegates. Q: How is this possible? A: Clearly there is massive fraud, most of the so-called delegates do not have birth certificates and the rest are Ron Paul moles, who will cast their votes for him at the Republican National Convention, surprising and confounding the lamestream media. Paul will then choose Julianne Moore as his vice president, because she makes a better Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin. Q: Have you ever been right about anything? A: Allow me to quote the very first paragraphs from my column of Jan. 2 of this year: "DES MOINES — If Mitt Romney wins the Iowa caucuses, the race for the Republican nomination is over. "If Mitt Romney comes in second in Iowa, the race for the Republican nomination is over. "And if Mitt Romney comes in third in Iowa, the race for the Republican nomination is over." Q: You turned out to be a genius! A: Thanks, Mom. And I am sorry I flunked out of optometry school. Q: Is there any chance Romney will choose Santorum as his running mate? A: At this point, I would say Santorum has about as much chance as George Zimmerman for getting on the Republican ticket. Q: So it's possible. A: But extremely unlikely. The biggest reason is not that Santorum's policies are so different from Romney's or that they have such different worldviews. The reason there will never be a Romney-Santorum ticket is that the two hate each other's guts. Q: But why? A: I think Romney once tied Santorum to the top of his car, but that's just a rumor. Q: Speaking of George Zimmerman, why wouldn't he meet with his lawyers, why did he flee Florida, why didn't he turn himself in to the police, and why did he go into in hiding? A: As I wrote before, I thought Zimmerman should have been arrested immediately after shooting Trayvon Martin, the unarmed 17-year-old whom Zimmerman was stalking for no good reason. But Zimmerman wasn't charged for 44 days. During that time, he had no responsibility to talk to the two doofus, publicity-hound lawyers that he never seems to have actually hired; he didn't have to stay in Florida or even the United States; he had no responsibility to go on "The View" and explain himself; and, sadly, he retained a valid permit to carry a concealed weapon. But as the proverb says, "The wheels of justice turn slowly, but grind exceedingly fine." And now he has been charged. Q: Whoa, so you are going to end on a serious note? A: No, I'll end on David Letterman's joke from Monday night: "Because Mitt Romney is a Mormon, he can actually have several vice presidents." Q: That's irresponsible. A: Thank you. We try.
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