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Jewish World Review
April 19, 2012/ 26 Nissan, 5772
Parents, kids don't want you at games
By
Celia Rivenbark
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT)
Public Relations types who are under the mistaken impression that I'm a Serious Journalist send me emails every day about this or that "groundbreaking survey." Because I have the attention span of larvae, I usually delete them. They're always full of facts and figures and statistics and can run five pages or more. I like my surveys to be short and snappy, rather like the ones on the old "Family Feud" game show. ("We asked 500 people in our studio audience to name something that moves without feet or wheels." I, of course, guessed "bowels" unlike, apparently, the rest of the stupid world. Dumb "Feud.")
While I normally just delete these earnest emails from people who clearly have no idea what I actually do for a living, I couldn't resist the headline from the folks at i9 Sports which reported that "One-third of kids surveyed said they wished their parents wouldn't watch them play sports."
Yes, the folks at i9 Sports (OK, I mentioned you; do I get a free water bottle or something?) knew how to write a press release that was provocative and, more important, brief. Turns out the kids don't like parents watching them play because "adults yell too much, are too distracting, make players nervous and put pressure on them to play better and win."
Granted, I'm not too familiar with organized youth sports since the Princess dropped out of T-ball owing to an abysmal selection of uniform color choices but, as a longtime dance mom, I see the same dynamic sometimes. How many times have I gone to the spring recital and seen grown women sucking down Big Gulp drinks, spitting and yelling at their kid: "Hey! Manda-Rae, Getcher head outta your tutu and finish that grand jette' like you frikkin' mean it! You gonna let her just arabesque up in your face? What? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Well. Almost.
The i9 Sports survey didn't stop with parent problems though. Turns out that 61 percent of kids surveyed said that they had been called names by their own teammates including such classics as "loser," "midget" and "four eyes." One participant's performance during games resulted in another player's assessment that he, in fact, "sucked buffalo butt and threw like a girl."
Ouch.
The folks at i9, wrongly assuming that I was a proud member of the Fourth Estate, which could be a mobile home park for all I know, added, that "There are expletives we chose not to include but will give you upon request." What reporter is going to call up the media arm of national youth athletic franchise i9 Sports (OK, that's four mentions, I'm thinking you should throw in a beer huggie AND one of those carabiner keychain thingies) and say, "Darnit, man, I have to know ALL of the expletives. This is Journalism!"
Maybe Geraldo. But he doesn't really count, am I right?
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services
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