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Jewish World Review April 5, 2012/ 13 Nissan, 5772 It was fine . . . until they called it 'pink slime' By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) Let's see. Gotta make my grocery list: bread, milk, apples, paper towels, pink slime, Chardonnay …What? Something wrong? You figured I was more of a red wine chick? I know it's the pink slime that threw you. It threw me, too, when I read that the lean ground beef I've been buying at the grocery store or eating in America's better fast-food establishments for years contains ammonia-soaked de-fatted beef scraps. Pink slime is a name perfect for producing paranoia, a real skin-crawler. As I stood at the meat counter of my favorite supermarket last week, the woman beside me was holding a package of ground beef like it was a sack of dog poo. "Do you think this is pink slime?" she asked me. I had no idea but I did point her to the organic beef in the next counter. It was seven bucks a pound, about twice as expensive. I think the organic beef business, which I picture being run by kinder, gentler cowboys who all dress like Temple Grandin, should make the most of this marketing opportunity and place big stickers on their beef saying stuff like "Pink Slime Free!" or "Don't Get Slimed!" or "Do You Really Want to Eat Something That Could Also Be Used to Clean Your Toilet?" "I just want to make spaghetti," the woman told me, sadness heavy in her voice. "Do you think it's terrible to make it with pink slime?" I could feel her anguish right along with mine. It was so much easier, and cheaper, when we thought it was "finely textured lean ground beef." Back then, my lasagna was "plausible deniability lasagna." Why did they have to TELL US? We stood at the counter for another minute and then decided to buy our beef elsewhere. She was headed to a warehouse club. I was thinking McDonald's. Yes, that McDonald's. The one that put me off chicken nuggets for life after seeing "Supersize Me." I guess it should tell you something if McDonald's is leading the charge against using pink slime. There's a school of thought that there are worse things than ammonia that could be added to ground beef. After all, it's added to kill germs. Why is that such a bad thing? I like to take a fresh chicken and soak it in a bucket of Clorox right before I cook it, don't you? The truth is that while we are collectively horrified by pink slime we don't get all worked up about the fact-checked truth that those pretty rich colors in our favorite juices are derived from dead bug skeletons. Blech. We eat awful stuff all the time but, until now, we didn't give it creepy names and so it didn't seem quite as bad. Next time the food police want to finally wake us up, they should remember that phrases like "animal byproducts" are "OK", phrases like "ground esophagus and claws" not so much. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. She'll miss Walmart's 'aggressive hospitality' Pageant mom wastes dollars, lacks sense When counter intuitiveness fails Dear older folks: Think before you ink They let their thumbs do the walking . . . to the wrong phone Congressional plans lacking horse sense She's Forever Lazy, so butt out It was famous while it lasted: Celebrities as marital guest stars It's all about the ‘Sass-poles’ Mothers and daughters and books, oh my Her Klout starts with a ‘k’ She's naming names . . . Smurf style Copying her daughter? That's so Lohan! A few swift kicks in the seat Buy my %*&^ing book! Shellacked in a foreign language College degree can be had in 3 days She'll take names, and then call them losers I beg of you, spare the ‘Children’ Release the hoards Brace yourself for a luxurious smile, and a big bill Speaking her mind by pushing his buttons She'll have another shot of mugs Polygamy may only get one season A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching Not cancer, still a big fat pain A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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