Jewish World Review April 30, 2012/ 8 Iyar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Iran vowed cyber-attacks against America's infrastructure Wednesday, ratcheting up Gulf tensions. They won't quit. Last week three Canadian geese forced three airliners to land when they flew into the jet engines and two of the geese were flying on prayer rugs.
TSA screeners at Los Angeles airport were charged with taking bribes to let couriers smuggle drugs through the X-ray machine. What idiots. They were busted when two pounds of cocaine was hidden in two balloons and the TSA couldn't resist groping them and they broke open.
The Labor Department announced new farm regulations that prevent children from working on farms. Kids won't be allowed to pick crops or produce. It a way of segregating the anchor baby from the parents to help them develop an American sense of entitlement.
The New York Post said Florida shooter George Zimmerman is not only part Hispanic, his great-grandfather in Peru was African. How unlucky is he? George Zimmerman was just an ancestor away from having everything ignored as another case of black-on-black crime.
Hillary Clinton met with billionaire Spanx creator Sara Blakely at the Time magazine dinner Hillary emceed on Wednesday. They had a long talk near the dais. A meeting with the world's leading girdle-maker is the first hint that Hillary is plotting her comeback.
U.S. Marine Gary Stein was dismissed for making disparaging comments about Barack Obama. If you're in the armed forces you're not allowed to criticize the Commander-in-Chief. That is one of the reasons the president favors legislation to draft the whole country.
California's beef industry braced itself for the worst Tuesday when Mad Cow Disease was diagnosed in a local cow. It threatens all cattle herds. McDonald's avoided investor panic on Wall Street by assuring all shareholders they've been serving horsemeat all along.
White House crasher Tariq Salahi announced he'll run for Virginia governor. He and his wife once avoided Secret Service detection and crashed a White House party. The Secret Service lost all interest in the guest list when the Mayflower Madam wasn't invited.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton