Jewish World Review April 27, 2012/ 5 Iyar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The U.S. Senate held hearings into the all-night party involving Secret Service agents and hookers in Colombia. The grilling was relentless. The senators wanted to know who picked up these hookers, how long did they party, and if they took American Express.
The Secret Service ended its probe of the twelve agents in Colombia the night of the hooker party. Three of the twelve agents were cleared. They were able to prove to their bosses they're innocent of sexual misconduct because they were drunk on duty at the time.
Air Force Two carrying Joe Biden had to land when geese flew into its jet engines. It was the third airliner in a week attacked by the birds. This has happened three times since New York banned the public from feeding anti-depressants to geese in Central Park.
The EPA awarded ninety thousand dollar to Vanderbilt students who've built a solar panel that can be powered by spinach instead of silicon. It's brilliant. The solar panel eats a can full of spinach, which sets off a trumpet fanfare, then it beats up an oil company.
WalMart announced Monday it will investigate charges that its executives in Mexico bribed Mexican government officials to facilitate expansion. The entire system is corrupt down there. All they sell at WalMart in Mexico are drug paraphernalia and BMWs.
U.S. Olympic athletes took a training course from the U.S. Navy SEALs Friday to prepare for the Summer Games in London. Some say it gives the U.S. team an unfair advantage. This year the demonstration sport is landing on a roof and blowing the head off a terrorist.
Mitt Romney won all the GOP primaries in the Northeast Tuesday and chose to make his victory speech in New Hampshire. It was for his health. The further Mitt gets away from the nearest Southern Evangelical Christian Republican the more able he is to breathe.
Pew Research said Sunday more illegal aliens went home to Mexico than came to the U.S. last year. It saddens Democrats. The Civil War was supposed to have decided once and for all the great moral question whether farmworkers would be slaves or illegal aliens.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton