Jewish World Review April 20, 2012/ 28 Nissan 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama's campaign chided Mitt Romney for driving cross-country with his dog on the car roof. The GOP aired an audiobook tape of Obama discussing how he ate dog in Indonesia. He sat through the credits at the end of Old Yeller waiting for the recipe.
Mitt Romney led Barack Obama in Tuesday's polls even though Barack leads Mitt by a wide margin in personal likeability. It's a trend never seen by pollsters. More and more people think it would be cool to have a president with more money than the country.
Mitt Romney urged the Secret Service to fire the agents involved in the hooker scandal. It imperils a president. It just takes one crab to jump from a hooker to a Secret Service agent to the president's jacket to the first lady's shoulder, and the president's dead.
Caribe Hotel maids told reporters Thursday they found empty whiskey bottles and cocaine in the suite where Secret Service agents partied. The maid's account went worldwide. The moral of the story is, if you don't pay the prostitute be sure to tip the maid.
Ted Nugent met with the Secret Service after telling the NRA that President Obama should be beheaded. It was a rookie mistake for a show business veteran. You always suggest a firing squad to the NRA and beheading to the Hand Axe Pro dealers convention.
President Obama wooed NASCAR fans by greeting Tony Stewart at the White House Tuesday. Every round gets more difficult in life. Getting elected America's first black president was one challenge, now he needs the Confederate die-hard vote to get re-elected.
Osama bin Laden's three widows and nine children awaited a Pakistan court order for their deportation from Pakistan on Tuesday. They are leaving for financial reasons. Pakistan is so backwards that their Social Security program doesn't have survivor benefits.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton