Jewish World Review April 6, 2012/ 14 Nissan 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Mitt Romney won all three GOP primaries in Wisconsin, Maryland and the District of Columbia. There's no scandal in his life. Hustler publisher Larry Flynt was forced to offer a million dollars for naked photographs of someone who's been fired by Mitt Romney.
Homeland Security announced it'll grant Unlawful Presence Waivers to illegal aliens Tuesday. They must prove they have relatives in the U.S. Everyone in Britain and Ireland with an ancestry app on their cell phone is sitting at an airport gate waiting to fly stand-by.
President Obama held an Easter prayer breakfast at the White House Wednesday. A local pastor showed up wearing a hoodie to protest racial profiling. The pastor was lucky to make it into the building alive because the Secret Service works for the property.
The Justice Department was ordered Tuesday by the Fifth Circuit Court to write a three-page paper admitting the Supreme Court's right to overturn unconstitutional laws. The administration got a quick a tutorial on separation of powers. When President Obama had Churchill's bust removed from the Oval Office, no one knew he replaced it with Mussolini's.
President Obama challenged the Supreme Court's authority to overturn a law passed by Congress Monday. He decided to backtrack the next day. President Obama's threat to take over the Supreme Court fizzled when he found out the government already owns it.
Mitt Romney was flooded by running mate suggestions Wednesday after his primary sweep. He knows what he wants. He said he's looking for someone with his values, someone who can remodel his vacation home in La Jolla as a way of putting Americans back to work.
Virgin Airways asked the U.S. to expedite airport security and passport processing to ease the Easter travel crush. The airline is popular. Virgin Airways nearly went bankrupt during its first year because nobody wanted to board an airline that doesn't go all the way.
President Obama warned Tuesday the GOP-proposed budget will starve two million mothers and their children. People actually believed him. He added that bridges will fall, and now half the country won't drive over a river and half won't touch corn on the cob.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton