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Jewish World Review April 6, 2012/ 14 Nissan, 5772 We do want the fake Romney, not the 'real' one By Dale McFeatters http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Republican image-makers are gearing up for a formidable task this fall: How to make Mitt Romney seem like a Regular Guy. The idea is that Americans are more likely to vote for somebody they can relate to -- somebody they'd like to have a beer with, in political parlance. But that kind of Regular Guy-ism won't work with Romney. As a Mormon, he doesn't drink, and his response to voters would be: "But I do have a lot of friends who own breweries." (At the Daytona speedway, he said he wasn't a racing fan but that some of the team owners were his good friends.) During the primaries, he often appears in jeans -- designer jeans, to be sure -- and shirtsleeves. It really doesn't work. There's no way he can appear to be fresh from wrangling dogies, whatever a dogie is, up on the Wind River Canyon when his trade is wrangling $60 billion in investment capital from an aerie high up in Boston's John Hancock Center. Romney is not a natural politician. When stressed, he gets awkward. He told an audience that what he liked about his native Michigan was that "the trees are just the right height." That set an instantly puzzled audience to wondering: "What is the right height for a tree? Is my state suffering from too much shade because the trees are too tall?" If he's elected president, will he rectify the tree heights in all 50 states, or only the ones -- the states, not the trees -- that voted for him? He introduced a new term into the campaign lexicon -- "severely conservative" -- which, admittedly, is better than the usual expression "political Neanderthal." Romney was singed in the last presidential election by having hired a landscape service that, as it happened, employed illegals. This is one of those "gotchas" that are great fun for political opponents, but the general public doesn't really care. What the average Joe with a lawn problem wants to know is: How much did they charge? And are they any good? Romney's reply when the charge came up again this time around was, "I'm running for office, for Pete's sake. We can't have illegals." Romney should embrace his inner stiffness. And forget the teleprompter. This fall, in President Barack Obama, he will be facing the Heifetz of the teleprompter. And he should forget about seeking common ground with the common man. It's invariably a disaster, as when Romney, who had earned $42.7 million over the last two years, told a group of the jobless in Florida that he, too, was unemployed. The fact is that American voters probably care less about the appearance of his great wealth than he does. Any voter worth north of $190 million would have $10 million-plus cribs on both coasts, too. The worst thing he could do is act on the advice of his closest advisers, including his wife, who believe that if we saw the "real" Romney we wouldn't even wait until November to vote for him. One adviser, quoted in an upcoming book on the 2012 campaign, says Romney needs to "open up the kimono." And his wife, Ann, says, "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out." Believe me, you don't want voters to have those images in their heads when they go to vote. Much better the stiff, buttoned and zipped Romney. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Previously: • 04/05/12 Heaping even more indignities on air travelers • 03/29/12 Blown away in Washington, D.C. • 03/28/12 At the nuke summit an inadvertent moment of candor • 03/27/12 A worse unemployment problem • 03/23/12 The federal budget: A game of make-believe • 03/21/12 In Iraq, blame the U.S., but drive American • 03/20/12 Too late, bin Laden realized killing Muslims was a mistake • 03/16/12 Hu and Wen leaving. China asks: What next? • 03/14/12 Tide, favored by housewives and drug dealers alike • 03/09/12 'Spring forward' obsessives and seasonal purists • 03/08/12 Really, no place is safe when you think about it • 03/06/12 Putin 'carousel voting' victory • 02/28/12 Fighter of future still glued to tarmac • 02/27/12 Every candidate has to have a tax-reform plan • 02/23/12 Au revoir, mademoiselle: It's been bonne • 02/21/12 A new way of attacking food-stamp fraud • 02/20/12 Feds don't want you driven to distraction • 02/15/12 Putin has found can't lose campaign issue: Promoting a randier Russia • 02/14/12 Obama's budget lays down battle lines for the fall • 02/10/12 Filming in D.C. creates hassle for Hollywood • 02/08/12 At Lake Vostok, Russia taps into new realm • 02/07/12 'Granny dumping' in prisons • 01/30/12 National Defense Authorization Act indefensible • 01/23/12 Barbie sparks fear among Iran's mullahs • 01/19/12 From overseas, U.S. industry is looking good • 01/18/12 American posterior a growing problem for mass transit • 01/16/12 Planets and roaches • 01/13/12 Not exactly a biblical plague, but certainly an annoyance • 01/12/12 Fewer young Americans interested in driving • 01/05/12 Majoring in unemployment • 01/04/12 Cutting the military by blunt force • 01/02/12 Pragmatic look at top words • 12/22/11 Basketball the way to Kim's heart and nuclear weapons • 12/21/12 Speculation and wishful thinking can get scary • 12/20/11 A third Kim has North Korea by the throat • 12/19/11 Congress pats itself on back for budget bill • 12/15/11 The U.S. government is cashing in its chips, literally • 12/14/11 TSA might try trusting its own people • 12/12/11 That $1.2 billion? It's around here some place • 12/09/11 State Department Creates ‘Virtual Embassy’ For Iran • 12/08/11 If you've ever tweeted, you're in the Library of Congress • 12/07/11 Discoveries go to the core of what makes us humans • 12/06/11 Stealing elections badly in Russia • 12/05/11 Sometimes paranoia is common sense by another name • 12/02/11 When the U.S. truly became one nation • 12/01/11 Last chance to snap up a Maybach • 11/30/11 Iran wants respect without earning it • 11/29/11 Surprise! ‘Spider-Man’ may weave a profitable web • 11/28/11 Italians entertain novel proposition: Paying their taxes • 11/25/11 No time to let up on al-Qaida • 11/24/11 Congress Quietly Abolishing Friday • 11/23/11 Cleaning up after supercommittee implosion • 11/22/11 Jailing minors with adults adds to problems • 11/21/11 Brilliant strategy? Action by inaction • 11/18/11They're going to eat horses, aren't they? • 11/17/11 A pretend stick shift for pretend drivers • 11/16/11 Clinton's ‘vast experiences’: Did NBC pick the wrong Chelsea? • 11/15/11 Occupy protesters, you've made your point. Now, scat • 11/10/11 Our vets are a national problem? • 11/09/11 Requiem for a once-great sport • 11/08/11 A toilet as smart as its occupant • 11/07/11 Prerevolutionary gems in need of TLC • 11/04/11 Feds must stop scam of stealing from dead children • 11/03/11 Bank listens ‘very closely’ to customer lynch mob • 11/01/11 TV that's leading the people away from ‘core socialist values’ • 10/31/11 NATO should not be a victim of its success • 10/28/11 Iran mulls getting rid of president and presidency • 10/27/11 Bienvenidos a Dayton and bring your businesses with you • 10/26/11 Archivists long for Obama's teleprompter • 10/25/11 United Nations to run the Internet? • 10/24/11 Attention, world: You've got the cash. We've got the houses • 10/19/11 Oil pipeline must be in America's future • 10/18/11 U.S. plans ‘limited’ mission in an Africa with no limits • 10/17/11 Social Security's grave mistakes • 10/12/11 NASA's help-wanted sign for astronauts • 10/10/11 Saving Thomas Jefferson''s chimneys • 10/06/11 Uncle Sam's answer to deadbeats --- robo-calls • 10/04/11 Christie should ignore jibes on his weight • 10/03/11 Iran says its warships will head for Jersey shore • 09/29/11 Europeans bristle at Obama's lectures • 09/28/11 Jessica Rabbit for the defense • 09/27/11 Russia learns outcome of next March's presidential election • 09/26/11 Another try at leaving no child behind • 09/23/11 This generation needs a job more than a name • 09/22/11 In the lane next to you: A driverless car • 09/20/11 Cloudy, cool, chance of falling satellite • 09/14/11 Humanitarian extortion • 09/13/11 Paging Dr. Watson; he's there in 3 seconds • 09/09/11 Forecasting 100 percent chance of heavy metal • 09/08/11 A jobs program at Obama's doorstep • 09/07/11 Iran's government afraid of the water • 09/06/11 Congress returns, tanned, rested and testy • 09/05/11 Space nations must clean up after themselves • 09/02/11 Osama bin Laden died a failure and he knew it • 09/01/11 Time to retire political pie in the face • 08/31/11 Labor Day celebrates what, exactly? • 08/30/11 These arrestees really are framed • 08/25/11 When in an earthquake, block traffic • 08/23/11 A case for discretion in deportation arrests • 08/22/11 Tough times or not, parents shell out for school • 08/18/11 Being unpleasant for fun, profit, promotion • 08/17/11 Time to prepare for the end game in Libya • 08/16/11: ‘Super Committee’ starts facing reality • 08/15/11: World's fastest plane disappears even faster • 08/12/11: British cops track rioters through security cameras • 08/11/11: Relax. There is no Death Star • 08/10/11: House pages run final errands • 08/09/11: U.S. treading water on job creation • 08/08/11: Uncle Sam, the world's permanent guest • 08/05/11: Most 9/11 victims not on federal death records • 08/04/11: Russian PM calls U.S. a ‘parasite.’ He should be so lucky • 08/03/11: Congress goes from one bind to another • 08/02/11: D.B. Cooper may no longer be a mystery • 08/01/11: Libya's latest weapon against NATO --- lawsuits • 07/29/11: He'll always be known as Hot Wheels Handler • 07/25/11: Recruiting children to save a dying town • 07/22/11: Bachmann's admirable medical candor • 07/12/11: Social Security's grave mistakes • 07/08/11: Debt crisis need not be constitutional crisis • 07/07/11: Startups entice new talent with kickball, treehouses • 07/05/11: Stranded tourists get rare treat • 06/30/11: The dollar Americans refuse to spend • 06/27/11: The hangman doesn't cometh © 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

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