Jewish World Review April 27, 2011 / 23 Nissan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The King of Bahrain scored an invite to the Royal Wedding Friday despite his human rights record. All kings were invited. We haven't had a crowned head of state since Bill Clinton used to walk downstairs to the press room with a black eye every Monday morning.
Miami Dolphins receiver Brandon Marshall was recovering Monday after his wife attacked him with a knife the night before. She stabbed him in the stomach. It just shows that swallowing your cell phone is not a way to stop your wife from reading your text messages.
The Weather Channel showed violent storms that hit Oklahoma and Texas Saturday, flooding everything. They've all been praying for rain to end the drought that's lasted all year. The next time the Southern Baptists pray for rain they're going to put a timer on it.
President Obama targeted Moammar Khadaffi with a cruise missile attack Monday. The president has maintained tax cuts, ordered detainees tortured and attacked an oil country. Democrats are simply outraged that George W. Bush had the nerve to run for a third term in blackface.
President Obama blamed the oil companies Monday for the month-long spike in oil prices. However, he banned drilling in the Gulf and he devalued the dollar by printing money. Even his kids are saving their allowance money to buy gold from Glenn Beck.
The White House was reported Monday to be weighing trade sanctions against Syria after Bashar Assad sent troops to attack pro-democracy protesters in Daraa. We don't trade with Syria so there is nothing to sanction. Even our heroin comes from Afghanistan.
WikiLeaks revealed Monday that Osama bin Laden was broke after the World Trade Center attack when he escaped U.S. capture at Tora Bora. Somebody was willing to loan bin Laden seven thousand dollars even though there was a twenty-five million dollar price on his head. That's back when credit was so easy even a terrorist in a cave could refinance.
NATO launched guided missiles Monday targeted directly at Moammar Khadaffi's house in Tripoli, but they wiped out a conference center next door. It was the third time in the dictator's life that he's been targeted by cruise missiles which barely missed him. U.S. presidents get really aggravated afterwards when Khadaffi waves his red cape and bows to the crowd.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton