Jewish World Review April 22, 2011 / 19 Nissan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Apple's iPhone was revealed Thursday to contain a chip which records every place you go with the phone. It's scary. Nobody knows how many people in Los Angeles are lying to their spouses, but T-Mobile's network hasn't been this overloaded since the last earthquake.
Major League Baseball seized the L.A. Dodgers Wednesday from Frank and Jamie McCourt. He is deeply in real estate debt and she sleeps with the chauffeur. When they came to town six years ago and vowed to embrace the local culture, everybody thought they meant Hispanic outreach.
The Federal Aviation Administration fired an air traffic controller last week when he was caught watching a movie on his computer while at work in the tower. It's not hard to understand. The controller said he was only watching a movie because he couldn't sleep.
NBC executives expressed worry that Donald Trump may leave his top-rated show to run for president. It's the network's only hit now and it brings in millions in ad revenue. Things are so bad at NBC that last night the NBC peacock walked into KFC and surrendered.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal sought more help in cleaning up the Gulf of Mexico on anniversary of the BP oil spill. It wasn't all bad news. The oil seeped up the Mississippi and into the cotton fields, yielding a bumper crop of polyester pants which give at the waist.
President Obama warned a town hall meeting in Virginia Tuesday that America can no longer spend more money than it takes in. He was acting out of sheer panic. The day before, Standard and Poor's downgraded the U.S. credit ratings forecast from stable to Nicolas Cage.
Standard and Poor's downgraded the U.S. debt forecast Monday despite White House lobbying. The debt problem is officially real. Barack Obama never thought that the three o'clock in the morning call would be Red China telling us they're about to attach our wages.
Lindsay Lohan urged senators to pass a bill giving gang members drug intervention while in jail. That's shrewd. She thinks helping fellow inmates get drug counseling will be enough to keep them from asking her to read their screenplays for the next thirty days.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton