Jewish World Review April 13, 2011 / 9Nissan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama insisted he's not a golf addict at a speech to editors in Washington Monday. We know how this ends. This summer his wife and daughters will tour Europe while he spends twenty-eight days at the Jerry Ford Center for the Treatment of Golf Abuse.
The Masters put on a thriller Sunday starring Australians Jason Day and Adam Scott and Englishman Luke Donald and Northern Ireland's Rory McIlroy before South Africa's Charl Schwartzel won the day. They were greeted at the final hole like liberators. It gave U.S. troops in the Middle East the hope that sometimes colonialism has a happy ending.
The Saudi royal family announced plans Monday to build the world's first mile-high skyscraper for twelve billion dollars. It's going to be financed with five-dollar-per-gallon gasoline. Americans are so angry over higher oil prices we may fly a plane into it ourselves.
Nancy Pelosi accused the GOP of encouraging Americans to simply give up and die at home. Do we die on garbage day, lawn day or recycling day? California environmental law only permits human remains to be thrown away in the recycling bin if you are a Hindu.
President Obama urged people with large families to save energy by driving hybrid vans. No automaker makes hybrid vans. You could say it really isn't the president's job to know if there are hybrid vans except that he's been running General motors for two years.
Japanese people retrieved strong boxes full of cash and jewelry that washed up on the beaches. They were swept out to sea a month ago. If the tsunami had hit Malibu, the strong boxes would still be on the beach because everybody knows the sea water would've ruined the cocaine.
Libyan rebels rejected a truce proposal from Moammar Khadaffi on Monday. The rebels decided to fight on after they heard that the U.S. government didn't shut down last weekend. Part of the excitement of being a U.S. Air Force pilot is that you never know from week to week whether you are an instrument of U.S. foreign policy or an independent contractor.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton