Jewish World Review April 28, 2010 / 14 Iyar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Denver Broncos drafted Tim Tebow in the first round Thursday believing his high character makes him an NFL winner. He admits he's a virgin. He could be the first quarterback ever suspended for chivalry toward a woman in the restroom of a bar.
Iceland's volcano stopped erupting long enough for flights to resume in Europe Friday. The thick ash hovers in the air over London. Keith Richards opened up his car window Tuesday and for the first time in forty years the smoke went into the limo.
The White House flew captured Somali pirates to New York for trial. They robbed and looted on the high seas. They'll never be able to get a jury of their peers with all the investment bankers constantly having to go to Washington to testify.
Goldman Sachs executives testified in Congress before angry lawmakers on Tuesday. The firm made billions selling short when the housing market melted down. The lawmakers who caused the housing market meltdown in the first place feel underpaid for their work.
SEC watchdogs were found to be watching porn on their computers during the Wall Street crash two year ago. It's not news. The SEC's mission to protect investors will always come in a distant second to watching anything with sorority girls in the title.
GOP senators blocked President Obama's Wall Street reform bill on Monday. They say it allows the U.S. government to pick and choose who gets rescued and who gets liquidated. James Cameron just bought the rights to this bill for a sequel to Titanic.
President Obama met with Billy Graham Sunday at the preacher's cabin home near Asheville. They prayed together for half an hour. Billy Graham has met with every president since Eisenhower, the moment their approval ratings dipped into the forties.
President Obama greeted the New York Yankees at the White House on Monday. The president praised the team's fabled pinstripe tradition. The governor of Illinois always wears pinstripe suits so he won't have to change clothes when he goes to prison.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton