Jewish World Review April 23, 2010 / 9 Iyar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama spoke in Manhattan Thursday where he demanded Wall Street stop fighting reform. No reason for fear. Barack Obama is just interested in helping Wall Street, the same way a kid with a magnifying glass is interested in helping ants.
Beverly Hills Little League coach Hector Penate admitted his affair with Larry King's wife Shawn. He says Larry didn't care because Larry loved his wife's sister Shannon. Little Leaguers in Beverly Hills go to the games to watch their parents play.
Pittsburgh Steelers star Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for six games by the NFL Wednesday. His return depends on a clinical evaluation this fall. If he's diagnosed by the psychiatrist as a danger to himself and others he could be moved to linebacker.
Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens was applauded Tuesday on his ninetieth birthday. He wrote the landmark decision giving Internet users absolute freedom of speech. He took pornography and gambling off the streets and put it on your Visa card.
Nancy Pelosi showed up at a Palm Beach fundraiser Sunday where there were more security guards than guests. Unions are furious at her. If there are more people in the cast than in the audience Actors Equity says the performance should be canceled.
General Motors announced jubilantly Wednesday they've paid back all government loans from the U.S. and Canada. Not everyone is happy. When GM announced it was back on its way to private ownership and profitability Barack Obama blamed it on the Bush administration.
The SEC sued Goldman Sachs on Friday, days before Barack Obama introduced his Wall Street reform bill. The timing just reeks. The government's case is so defective that if it were a Toyota they would be peeling it off the side of a mountain right now.
Earth Day was marked by enviro-friendly rallies across America Thursday. Earthquakes are destroying whole nations, a volcano just cost the airlines two billion dollars, and tornado season begins this week followed by hurricane season. Having a day to honor this planet is like making Osama bin Laden's birthday a school holiday.
Arizona enacted a new law allowing police to detain anybody suspected of being an illegal alien and deporting them home to Mexico. We've tried worker IDs, electronic beam fences and high-tech databases and they have failed. We could build a wall, but unless it's an iPhone app called Wall, the government doesn't think it's cool enough.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton