Jewish World Review April 2, 2010 / 18 Nissan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tiger Woods agreed to face reporters in Augusta before the Masters begins next week. He admitted he's got a lot of work to do in his marriage. In a related story, Ricky Martin ended years of rumor and speculation by admitting that he's Puerto Rican.
Toyota owners considered filing a class-action suit against Toyota for damaging the resale value of their cars. Nobody can sell these things. Toyota announced they are temporarily stopping production because it's the one thing at Toyota they could stop.
L.A. Dodgers owners Frank and Jamie McCourt met in L.A. divorce court Monday. It's bitter. At last year's home opener, Frank McCourt misunderstood when the stadium announcer asked him to throw out the first pitch and he threw his wife to the catcher.
Sam Bradford displayed his newly-repaired arm at his NFL workout on Monday. He threw the ball so well it cemented him as the first pick. His shoulder surgery was so successful it will go down in medical history as private health care's Last Hurrah.
L.A. Fitness gyms dropped Fox News Monday from the cable channels customers can watch while they're working out. They were losing business. The women on Fox News are so beautiful it made customers think they could get thin just by thinking Reagan thoughts.
House Democrats demanded documents and e-mails from CEOs who oppose health care reform. It's an illegal search and a breach of privacy. Democrats offer you sexual freedom for the rest of your freedoms but so far only California and New York have taken the deal.
Al-Qaeda recruited female suicide bombers for Monday's Moscow bombing. They're easier to recruit now. The mullahs stopped promising that seventy-two male virgins will greet them in Paradise and started promising them seventy-two pairs of new shoes.
President Obama urged China to join the U.S. calling for sanctions on Iran. It's over Iran's nukes. After a long year, President Obama finally found common ground with Iran's government but unfortunately it was on the issue of Israel's right to exist.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton