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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 14, 2010 / 30 Nissan, 5770

Warning: Soul gazing can save your marriage!

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I recently received an article on soul gazing, a getting-in-touch-with-your-feelings type exercise that involves holding perfectly still and looking deep into the eyes of another person for several minutes.


I frequently receive material on relationships and communication, so I frequently ask the husband if he will try out the suggested tips and ideas in the name of research, behavioral science and column fodder.


When I explained the concept of soul gazing, the brainchild of psychologist Robert Epstein, if I remember correctly — and I do — the husband's exact words were, "Sounds stupid."


(I apologize, Dr. Epstein.)


Naturally, I tell him it's not that I think our marriage needs work, but that trying these techniques is more like cleaning the lint trap in the dryer — something you do periodically so that the house doesn't catch fire.


In the instructions for soul gazing, Dr. Epstein issues a warning that the exercise can be intense. The man was spot on.


We set the timer on the microwave for two minutes, stand inches from one another and begin gazing. And gazing. And gazing.


The husband's eyes dart to the timer. "Only a minute 50 to go," he says through clenched teeth.


"No talking. We're gazing," I hiss.


Five seconds later the phone rings. "Don't even think about it," I say, still gazing and trying not to move my lips.


Moments later I receive a text. "Killing you not to know, isn't it?" he taunts.


"I'll live."


We gaze some more. I notice the nuance to the shades of brown in his eyes and how they still have that natural kindness I first noticed years ago.


The timer chimes. "Well?" I ask softly.


"What's for dinner?" he says.

Letter from JWR publisher

To his credit, the husband has traveled the communication galaxy with me. We have explored the planets with John Gray's Venus and Mars concepts and wandered through the House of Mirrors.


Mirrored communication was where we listened intently to what the other had to say and then parroted it back to make sure we understood what the other was saying. We sounded like Mynah birds.


The only foray he sincerely embraced was the one that said men sometimes need to withdraw into their man caves (the garage, the workshop, a sporting arena) for time alone.


Let's face it, women can talk men to death.


And now I have received promotional material on a book and workshop by Steven Stosny and Pat Love (seriously, her name is Love) titled, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It."


"Listen to this," I say to the husband. "They say talking makes many relationship problems worse, not better. Women want to talk about the relationship because they're upset and want to feel better. Men don't want to talk because talking won't make them feel better. In fact, it will make them feel worse!


"What do you think of that one?" I ask. No answer. I can only assume he is on board. Or in his cave.



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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2009, Lori Borgman

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