Great. Julia Roberts is composting and Michelle Obama is planting a garden at the White House. Are there any other ways that brilliant, successful women can make the rest of us feel like slugs? It's not enough that I BUY fresh produce, occasionally even from a real farmer wearing real bib overalls at a real produce stand, but now I gotta grow the food myself? Using composting advice from a movie-star?
One step forward, three steps back, y'all. It's just never going to be enough, no matter how much shopping, cooking, working, laundry that we do. Because if the wife of the leader of the free world and the most bankable actress in Hollywood can do it, why can't the rest of us? If Julia can turn eggshells into eggplants or Michelle can grow her own herbs for spaghetti night, why can't I?
Let me just put "hoeing" and "weeding" on the chore list this week. It's no longer good enough to simply try to occasionally buy organic fruit, no matter how icky it looks, now we have to grow our own. Buying from a food co-op? That's just so 1998. We must plow the north 40, wherever the heck that is.
Of course, the first lady won't actually do all the garden work. After tilling the garden, it was reported that daily work will be divided among White House groundskeepers, the kitchen staff and Vice President Joe Biden, who has been grousing about not having enough responsibility in the Obama administration.
"Hey," said Biden to no one in particular. "I may not be in on the key decisions or even have any presence at all in this administration, but you haven't lived til you've tasted my crookneck squash."
Meanwhile, the Obama garden will also include a fully functional beehive to provide honey for daily use, allowing the family to finally toss the bear-shaped bottle with the crusty top that they've been using since they got married.
Not since sweet ol' Ladybird Johnson implored every American to plant "a tree, a bush or a shrub" back in the day have we seen a first lady so committed to gardening.
And with the whole Victory Garden vibe returning for the first time since Eleanor "Hot Lips" Roosevelt kicked it off, this could be the start of a gardening revolution in our nation, a nation facing the prospect of growing our own food for survival, not just because it sounds cool.
If I sound a little negative, it's because I just found out that Ben Bernanke, the Enormous Brain That Will Save Us All, used to work at hokey interstate amusement park, South of the Border. That's right: We've pinned our financial future on a guy who used to load tourists into the Sombrero Tower. Holy compost, y'all.