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Jewish World Review April 22, 2009 / 28 Nisan 5769 If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Great. Julia Roberts is composting and Michelle Obama is planting a garden at the White House. Are there any other ways that brilliant, successful women can make the rest of us feel like slugs? It's not enough that I BUY fresh produce, occasionally even from a real farmer wearing real bib overalls at a real produce stand, but now I gotta grow the food myself? Using composting advice from a movie-star? One step forward, three steps back, y'all. It's just never going to be enough, no matter how much shopping, cooking, working, laundry that we do. Because if the wife of the leader of the free world and the most bankable actress in Hollywood can do it, why can't the rest of us? If Julia can turn eggshells into eggplants or Michelle can grow her own herbs for spaghetti night, why can't I? Let me just put "hoeing" and "weeding" on the chore list this week. It's no longer good enough to simply try to occasionally buy organic fruit, no matter how icky it looks, now we have to grow our own. Buying from a food co-op? That's just so 1998. We must plow the north 40, wherever the heck that is. Of course, the first lady won't actually do all the garden work. After tilling the garden, it was reported that daily work will be divided among White House groundskeepers, the kitchen staff and Vice President Joe Biden, who has been grousing about not having enough responsibility in the Obama administration. "Hey," said Biden to no one in particular. "I may not be in on the key decisions or even have any presence at all in this administration, but you haven't lived til you've tasted my crookneck squash." Meanwhile, the Obama garden will also include a fully functional beehive to provide honey for daily use, allowing the family to finally toss the bear-shaped bottle with the crusty top that they've been using since they got married. Not since sweet ol' Ladybird Johnson implored every American to plant "a tree, a bush or a shrub" back in the day have we seen a first lady so committed to gardening. And with the whole Victory Garden vibe returning for the first time since Eleanor "Hot Lips" Roosevelt kicked it off, this could be the start of a gardening revolution in our nation, a nation facing the prospect of growing our own food for survival, not just because it sounds cool. If I sound a little negative, it's because I just found out that Ben Bernanke, the Enormous Brain That Will Save Us All, used to work at hokey interstate amusement park, South of the Border. That's right: We've pinned our financial future on a guy who used to load tourists into the Sombrero Tower. Holy compost, y'all. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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