Jewish World Review April 2, 2009 / 8 Nisan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton blamed America's illegal drug habit for Mexico border violence Friday. Let's watch the fun. If her anti-drug campaign is as successful as her health care program was, within two years drugs will be legal and Congress will be Republican.
The American College of Cardiology said Tuesday that NFL fans are so rabid that a team losing the Super Bowl risks giving fatal heart attacks to its fans. Not so fast. The study wasn't adjusted for the pork rinds and empty beer bottles and couches where the heart attacks occurred.
Dexter starring Michael C. Hall became an iPhone game Monday in which the idea is to butcher someone while the audience roots for you. Dexter only murders villains. When you download the game you have to specify whether you are Democrat or Republican.
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said Sunday there are no plans to shoot down North Korea's soon-to-be-launched missile. All the U.S. states it could reach voted for Obama. Every day, the GOP's prospects for the next presidential election look a little brighter.
President Obama flew off to the London economic conference Tuesday. He brought five hundred Americans along with him on the trip. Barack Obama didn't stop at returning the bust of Churchill to England, now he is returning the white businessmen.
President Obama promised GM workers Monday that he would not let them lose their jobs. He's expected to put union leaders and environmentalists on the GM board. The plan is to save the company by retooling three plants to manufacture picket signs.
President Obama fired GM CEO Rick Wagoner Monday for favoring trucks and SUVs over hybrid compacts. It's insane. The U.S. crushed Japan sixty-four years ago using huge Pratt and Whitney engines, and apparently we learned nothing from the experience.
President Obama was on Capitol Hill to urge moderate Democrats to back his budget bill. Each baby born in the U.S. now owes eighteen thousand dollars in debt. A month ago Americans were furious at Nadya Suleman for having eight babies, but today she's the only thing standing between Social Security and insolvency.
Chinese TV women's show host Yang Lan signed with Creative Artists Agency in Beverly Hills Monday. She was educated at Columbia and has two hundred million viewers daily in China. She got her start as host of the country's favorite game show, Tiananmen Squares.
President Obama told CBS' 60 Minutes that a year ago he would never have guessed that Iraq would become the least of his problems. He was just happy to be elected leader of the free world. It's icing on the cake that he can seize the banks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton