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Jewish World Review April 3, 2008 / 27 Adar II 5768 What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Singer Billy Joel's wife was sitting on Oprah's couch the other day chatting about her happy life and I just wanted to smack her with my spatula. She's perky and gorgeous and young enough to still have her wisdom teeth from the looks of it. But that's not why I wanted to stick her head in the oven. It's because, get this, she's written a cookbook. This on the heels of the other Wealthiest Man Alive Jerry Seinfeld's younger, hottie wife writing one, too, and hawking it on "Oprah." So here's my question: What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Doesn't anyone know how to be rich any more? I mean anyone besides Heather Mills McCartney whom, I'm sure, doesn't cook, unless it's to lightly braise the still-beating heart of a freshly slaughtered baby lamb. Say what you will, but Heather, who Paul's kinfolk once memorably termed "an opportunistic cow," earned her money the old-fashioned way: Marry a billionaire and then make sure his life is so miserable that he'll pay you $43 million just to say buh-bye. Write a cookbook? Not bloody likely. Yes, now, I can hear you all whining about how women deserve to be recognized for their own skills and talents. Right. So the tiny, itsy wittle Ms. Joel demonstrated her cookbook-writing talents by making meatloaf for Oprah. Yes, meatloaf. At the mention of meatloaf, the audience squealed like she'd said, "Pheasant de Foi Gras Snootypants." Oprah said, "She's making meatloaf!" and said it three times like she always says when she's excited about something. And I'm thinking: "Dude. You married Billy Joel. Fry the guy a steak at least. Or make what I'd make if I was married to Billy Joel. That's right; reservations. From all appearances, Mrs. Billy Joel is utterly charming. Ditto Mrs. Seinfeld. But I'd like them a lot better if they just sat up there on Oprah's couch and said, "You know what? My husband's worth $800 million. I have no flippin' idea where the stove is. Ewww. This sofa's kinda scratchy, O." Celebrity isn't what it used to be. New moms Jennifer Lopez and Nicole Richie, in separate "People" magazine cover stories, recounted tales of sleepless nights and numerous diaper changes. Oh big deal. Celebrities can do poo just like some Appalachian Juno. As if. My guess is Carmelita is the only one changing nappies in those mansions. What next? Yard-saling with Eva Longoria Parker? Gawd, acting poor is so 1995, y'all. Just enjoy your wealth and give us something to aspire to. Other than meatloaf. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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