Jewish World Review April 11, 2008 / 6 Nissan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
San Francisco hosted the Olympic torch relay Wednesday amid protests against China's troops beating Tibetans with sticks. Congress is concerned. We should have asked about China's collections department before we borrowed ten trillion dollars from them.
The Weather Channel showed spectacular hailstorms and lightning strikes across the South and up in Wyoming. The severe weather only struck the gun rights states. However, Charlton Heston is working night and day with Ben Hogan to correct his slice.
American Airlines canceled a thousand flights Wednesday to inspect the wiring on its jets. It's obvious why. Ever since airlines stopped serving food in economy class, passengers have been gnawing through the floorboards on cross-country flights.
Doris Day the Untold Story reveals the affair Doris Day had with Mickey Mantle in 1962. He was a star and she was a star and they met regularly at a New York hotel, and no one noticed. The Cuban Missile Crisis had everybody looking up that fall.
Rob Lowe sued two former nannies in Beverly Hills Tuesday for spreading gossip that he tried to bed them. They signed confidentiality agreements. The sex scandal is the first sign that NBC's West Wing will be back this fall with Rob Lowe as president.
Hugo Chavez canceled The Simpsons on Venezuelan television Tuesday. He deemed it inappropriate for kids and replaced it with Baywatch. What leader doesn't think that big-busted women in bikinis are better for children than anti-government satire?
Hillary Clinton said reasonable people differ over the merits of the Colombia free-trade deal, admitting she's against it and her husband is for it. Bill takes the money for supporting the trade deal while Hillary takes the votes for opposing the trade deal. Chelsea taught them how to do that when she worked for the hedge fund.
Senator Jay Rockefeller apologized for saying John McCain didn't care where his bombs fell on Vietnam. Imagine Rockefeller's surprise at all the demands for an apology. People who own Exxon aren't used to anybody telling them that they're wrong.
New York's Mercantile Exchange saw oil prices continue to climb Wednesday. The dwindling value of our currency helps run up the cost per barrel. There was a time when Americans thought that nothing was as valuable as the U.S. dollar, and today it is.
Eliot Spitzer was swarmed by photographers Tuesday when he arrived at New York University Medical Center. No one knows why. His friends have been concerned about his health ever since they found out he coughed up four thousand dollars for a hooker.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton