Jewish World Review April 9, 2008 / 4 Nissan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
San Francisco protesters climbed up the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge Monday to protest China's brutality. It's why Asian immigrants do so well in America. While everybody else is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, they found a way to climb up it.
Princess Diana's death was ruled an unlawful killing by a British jury Monday. She was in a limo going one hundred twenty miles an hour and not wearing a seat belt. It's believed to be the last time a celebrity decided to show centrifugal force who's boss.
Japanese women were reported Monday to be paying male escorts fifty thousand dollars a night to sit with them at dinner and listen to them. There's no sex. If we put Guantanamo prisoners through this we would know where bin Laden was hiding by dessert.
Formula One chairman Max Mosley was taped being spanked by five hookers dressed as Nazis at a club in the London suburb of Chelsea. He refused to resign Monday. Bill and Hillary Clinton are demanding that he be fired for linking prostitutes to Chelsea.
Elton John will perform at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton tonight at Radio City Music Hall. He's done previous tributes to Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. If Hillary Clinton were any deader she would be on the Larry King Show for the full hour.
Larry King was ejected from a Beverly Hills Little League game last week where his nine-year-old boy was playing. It's a special setting. In Beverly Hills Little League, if a kid gets four balls he doesn't walk, his mother drives him to first base.
CBS News was reported Monday to be negotiating to outsource all news reporting to CNN. The cable news networks are all ripe takeover targets. Their daily coverage of Barack Obama is so worshipful that they're now tax-exempt as religious broadcasters.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton