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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
April 30, 2007
/ 12 Iyar, 5767
Al Gore (The Gift That Keeps Giving)
By
Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
When we wrote about Gore and in our first book, we intended to leave him behind like a chewed-over pastrami sandwich left on a delicatessen table and move on to other Schmucks in our on-going tour of Schmuckville. But he does not permit us to do so.
We believed Al Gore would be happily retired, adrift in his delusions of inventing the Internet and discovering the Love Canal (which, our neighbor Benny, the defrocked pharmacist who lost his license for selling Viagra to Muslim undertakers to be placed in coffins in case the departed ran out steam when they met their allotted forty virgins explained had something to do with female anatomy.) We thought, like a punch drunk fighter, he would spent the rest of his days boring people, explaining he wuz robbed by the referee, and could've been a champion.
However, leaving his Chads behind and from the look of Gore today we have an idea of where he stuffed them, he now became the Guru of Global Warming.
Global Warming is a highly politicized subject, so inculcated into our collective psyches by the liberal media as a reality, that notwithstanding the fact hundreds of scientists believe it is a merely a cyclical phenomenon that has existed for thousands of years, to even question its existence relegates you to the insanity of a Holocaust denier.
Gore, with no scientific training, other than that of supporting Clinton's penetrating explorations into assorted body parts of ladies who had the happy or unhappy experiences of being after hours visitors to the Oval Office, assumed the role of the validator and spokesperson for Global warming. He even made a movie about it, and in fact won an Academy Award for it.
Suddenly, all of this somehow propelled him into being a potential candidate for President. To prove how serious he was, he started losing weight. We have heard of women who lose weight to get into last summer's bikini, and of old men who also lose weight to stuff themselves into ancient tuxedos or new young girl friends, but this is an historic first: joining Weight Watchers to become President.
Now, we are not scientists, but, to us, the winters seem colder not hotter. The Carbon Dioxide that is supposed to be the villain, is actually good not bad for trees, which everybody says are good for the planet. In fact, governments all over the world are expending effort and money to preserve the forests and plant new trees. The statistics show that using alternate fuels for automobiles actually costs more (considering government subsidies) and in the long run requires greater overall energy consumption than does gasoline.
Apparently, a great deal of the ozone problem is caused by methane gas, a principal source being the flatulence of cows. Our unworthy thought it may be more efficient and less costly to buy some Gas-X for the cows than the more sophisticated and costly alternative means suggested.
All of Gore's sputterings might be the proper subject of honest debate, expect for one thing. Gore, as we have all now learned, is patently a hypocrite. He lives in a house that in one week, consumes twenty times the yearly energy use of an average home, and he flies around in private planes consuming vast amounts of fossil fuel and spewing enormous quantities of hurtful gasses into the atmosphere. His justification: He purchases Carbon Credits.
While few in the world can understand exactly what they are, in principle the credits are traded, for a fee, by middlemen, with the extreme offenders of pollution being made to pay money that, in effect become the "credits." These are now placed into an exchange, and then sold to other violators like Gore. All of this, does not change the amount of carbon produced one bit, but does produce a profit for the exchange company. Oh yes, did we forget to mention you guessed it Gore owns a carbon exchange company.
The proponents of Global Warming say that in a hundred years, the ocean temperature will rise five degrees and, because of melting icebergs, the Atlantic Ocean will extend into the land an additional nine inches. Just in case, we will definitely sell our Miami Beach condominiums in ninety years. Of course, if Gore will just shut up, the hot air lost may be just enough to save the icebergs.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributors Jackie Mason needs no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.
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© 2007, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder.
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