Jewish World Review April 30, 2007 / 12 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The National Football League held its annual player draft Saturday. The talent available was awesome. The Washington Redskins almost drafted Rosie O'Donnell now that she's available, but then they realized they aren't that mad at the Dallas Cowboys.
Richard Gere apologized to India Friday for kissing an Indian actress during a telethon in New Delhi, resulting in a warrant for his arrest. It's disastrous that he won't be allowed back in India. Every actor's Plan B is employment in a customer call center.
Phil Spector's murder trial got huge ratings in Los Angeles Friday. The record producer showed up on the first day wearing a white suit and open collared-shirt and a shaggy wig. Reminding any L.A. jury of the disco era automatically softens them up.
Richard Nixon was the toast of Broadway with the opening of the hit play Nixon and Frost Sunday. Taped conversations show that he casually used anti-Semitic and sexist and racist language. There is a statue of him in the lobby of Def Jam Records.
Los Angeles observed the fifteenth anniversary Sunday of the rioting that followed L.A. cops beating Rodney King. The city is still feeling the effects of that night. As black people took to the streets in protest, illegal aliens moved into their houses.
The U.S. dollar plummeted against the British pound in money markets Friday. The pound may be popular because it's got Queen Elizabeth's picture. Americans always re-think the revolution after they get a good look at all the presidential candidates.
Alaska's former senator Mike Gravel got rave reviews Friday after the Democratic presidential debates. He promised he would throw President Bush in jail. Banana Republic just offered him a million dollars to wear their golf cap in the next debate.
Bill Clinton skipped Thursday night's Democratic presidential debate to attend a fundraiser for Hillary in Brooklyn. He fiercely defends her. He's so mad at the New York Post for criticizing Hillary that he's threatened to cancel all his personal ads.
Mexico's attorney general Eduardo Medina Mora flew to Washington Friday for talks. He is waging a one-man war on Mexico's drug cartels. Nevertheless, no one in Washington appreciated his courage until Friday, when he posed for pictures with Alberto Gonzales.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton