Jewish World Review April 26, 2007 / 7 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Southern California hosts the World Surfing Championships this weekend off San Clemente beach. It can get dangerous out there. One surfer lost an arm and a leg yesterday and that was just at the Chevron station filling up on the way to the beach.
Phil Spector's trial for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson began Tuesday in the same Los Angeles courtroom as the O.J. Simpson trial. It's not the same. O.J. Simpson has already told the commissioner of baseball he has no plans to attend the acquittal.
The Los Angeles Times laid off hundreds of newsroom staffers Monday. There has been a steady drop-off in readership ever since George W. Bush became president and Bill Clinton stepped down. There never was more direct proof that sex sells newspapers.
Hillary Clinton on Tuesday compared herself to the famed escaped slave Harriet Tubman who fought to help fellow slaves escape the South through the underground railroad. Who is she kidding? Hillary Clinton has never taken the subway in her life.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid called President Bush a liar Monday and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said President Bush refuses to face reality. They are really starting to enjoy their jobs. If the producer of the Girls Gone Wild videos was not in jail right now you'd think he was producing press conferences for the Democrats.
NBC's Law and Order star Fred Thompson met with GOP congressmen Tuesday to seek support for his presidential bid. He was persuasive. Congressmen have been offered a lot of bribes in their careers, but never before speaking parts as the jury foreman.
Rudy Giuliani spoke at a Lincoln Day dinner in New Hampshire Monday and warned the audience the nation will suffer another huge terrorist attack if Democrats win the White House. He promised to continue electronic surveillance. When you've been married three times, you use all the tools at your disposal to get a good settlement.
Russia's first president Boris Yeltsin died at age seventy-six on Sunday after a colorful, history-making life. In the old Soviet tradition, the undertaker pickled his body in alcohol and put him on public display in Red Square. He looked so natural.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton