Jewish World Review April 24, 2007 / 5 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The World Poker Tour championship got underway Saturday at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. The competition was down to the final two players last night. Alec Baldwin won a million dollar pot when he insulted a twelve-year-old girl and Don Imus folded.
Thirty Rock star Alec Baldwin blew up during his child custody battle with Kim Basinger. He left his daughter an angry phone message which his ex-wife made public. This could spiral out of control if somebody doesn't get Kim Basinger a hit show pretty soon.
Alec Baldwin left a phone message for his twelve-year-old daughter calling her a rude and thoughtless little pig. It was completely inappropriate language. Twelve-year-old children in Beverly Hills are little monsters, not little pigs.
The NFL quizzed each prospective draftee about past drug use before Saturday's player draft in New York. Innocent bystanders always get hurt. After Barack Obama admitted to past use of cocaine, he went sailing past Hillary Clinton in fund-raising.
John McCain performed a surfer song parody to an Arizona crowd Thursday, singing Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran. He's finished. Any comedian will tell you that the only thing more despicable than bombing people from ten thousand feet is a song parody.
Al Gore pulled out of an environmental conference in Miami Friday when he found out that Colombian president Alvaro Uribe was going to be in attendance. He must be careful from now on. Once you win an Oscar you start attracting Colombians like flies.
Tennessee preacher's wife Mary Winkler was convicted of voluntary manslaughter of her husband Thursday. He made her wear platform shoes and a wig and do unnatural things, so she killed him. E-Harmony just asked her if she'd like to meet Phil Spector.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton