Jewish World Review April 18, 2007 / 30 Nissan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tennessee Titans star Pacman Jones appealed his one-year suspension by the NFL Monday for five arrests and a strip bar brawl in Las Vegas. He admitted he's got a few issues. He's got more than a few issues, he's got an entire year's subscription.
Chicago was selected by the IOC Sunday to be the American city to make the bid for the Olympic Games in nine years. The city is not exactly a fitness mecca. To begin the games, Mike Ditka would light the Olympic flame off the end of his cigarette.
Prince William broke up with Kate Middleton Sunday after a family meeting. She had to go. Kate Middleton was turning into a flamboyant media hog who was upstaging the prince, and nobody is going to buy the accident-in-the-tunnel story a second time.
Rosie O'Donnell announced Tuesday she will no longer talk about President Bush on The View. She said she made the decision after visiting a web site dedicated to having her fired. Webster's Dictionary defines cowardice as a comedian with a mortgage.
CIA director George Tenet wrote a book telling why he told President Bush that weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was slam dunk. He's some intelligence director. He also assured President Clinton that Monica was a ballplayer and would never squeal.
The New York Post reported Monday that a New York City high school allowed teachers and students to go on a spring break trip to Cuba. They may have violated U.S. travel restrictions. It is against the law to give extra credit for scouting for the Yankees.
Hillary Clinton postponed her meeting with the Rutgers women's basketball team Monday due to weather. The team forgave a middle-aged white guy for humiliating them in front of the entire world. Hillary wanted to go there to collect her royalty check.
Rudy Giuliani was accused of flip-flopping on the Confederate flag Saturday. It's generally not the business of politicians from New York. On the other hand, if New Yorkers could mind their own business the Confederacy would be its own country by now.
GOP presidential candidate Tommy Thompson told Jewish activists on Monday that making money is part of the Jewish tradition and that it's something to be applauded. No one could believe what they heard. Tommy Thompson is proving that it's possible to run for president and audition for Don Imus' time slot at the exact same time.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton