Jewish World Review April 16, 2007 / 28 Nissan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The NFL posted a new conduct policy Friday to try to stop criminal behavior by players. There have been fifty arrests since season's end. Whenever the Cincinnati Bengals hold an intra-squad game, it's the Orange Stripes versus the Orange Jumpsuits.
North Carolina completely cleared three Duke lacrosse players Thursday of rape charges falsely filed by a stripper last year. A lot of names were ruined. Right after the allegations, the city of La Crosse changed its name to Consensual, Wisconsin.
Snoop Dogg defended the right of rap artists to use racist and sexist language in lyrics on Friday. White guys can't say these things. Don Imus might get another radio show as long as he never tells anybody that CBS Radio gave him the old heave ho.
Don Imus met with the Rutgers women's basketball team Thursday and apologized to them for hours. It left a sour taste. Don Imus just got a telegram from the Stetson showroom in New York saying if he's going to grovel he will have to give back the hat.
Don Imus's wife Deirdre's book tour was canceled Thursday. The book is about household cleaning. She'd have to spend a month explaining that tips on how to remove fingerprints from ebony had nothing to do with getting away with the murder of Al Sharpton.
Tony Blair said Wednesday that the increase in gun and knife murders in London is caused by black culture. He blamed rap music for encouraging crime. It didn't help when Snoop Dogg's latest release requires eight hundred hours of community service.
Los Angeles was clobbered by high winds Friday resulting in downed power lines and brushfires. Local weather forecasters predict a brutally hot summer. Suddenly Britney Spears' shaved head and no underwear policy makes her look like a survivalist.
World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz fought desperately to keep his job Thursday after he arranged a huge raise for a female staffer with whom he's having an affair. No one knew he had it in him. If you think a hot car attracts gold-digging women, you should see what you get with a business card that reads Architect of the War in Iraq.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton