Jewish World Review April 2, 2007 / 14 Nissan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Tudors premiered on last Sunday tonight starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII. He invented a brand-new religion just so he could divorce his wife and marry his mistress. Today the number-one official in that church is Rudy Giuliani.
George Steinbrenner's daughter divorced husband Steve Swindal due to his drunk driving arrest. That one night out cost him the New York Yankees. The good news is the invasion of Iraq is no longer the worst decision ever made by a baseball executive.
The Weather Channel said sixty tornadoes hit the Great Plains Friday while high pollen counts plagued the South. It's awful. The weather is so foul that people are being forced to talk about college basketball in order to start a polite conversation.
Los Angeles high school students staged a mass walkout to join an amnesty march for illegal aliens. The high schools are surrounded by fifteen-foot-tall chain link fences. The students didn't have any more trouble getting out than they did getting in.
White House aide Karl Rove brought down the house at the correspondents' dinner Wednesday when he performed a rap song as MC Rove. The number was awkward from the start. He asked for a downbeat and the deejay read him the president's approval rating.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi told the White House Friday they must deal with oversight from a Democratic Congress. It won't work. The White House won't let others just march into the capital and force a new form of government on everybody.
Hillary Clinton was lampooned on the cartoon show South Park on Comedy Central Thursday. They made fun of her fake Southern accent and her sex life. It would have been the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to her if she had married better.
Connecticut police arrested a man who claimed to be Dick Cheney after a high-speed chase on Tuesday. The suspect was shocked with a stun gun by officers and taken to a psychiatric ward. Only a lunatic would want to be in Dick Cheney's shoes right now.
The Washington Post reported Thursday that Saudi King Abdullah canceled plans to come to the White House to dine with President Bush. There had to be hurt feelings. Abdullah is such a close friend of his father that President Bush calls him Uncle King.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton