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Nov. 20, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: How to make every second of your life come first
Caroline B. Glick: Whither American Jewry
Nov. 19, 2009
Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: Please Listen to this Godcast (5 minutes)
Jonathan Tobin: ADL Crosses the Line with Report Bashing Obama Critics
Nov. 18, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: What Judaism has to say about the secret of the Mona Lisa's smile
JWisdom.com: The (Jewish) Dating Game with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
Nov. 17, 2009
Steven Emerson: How Does the 4th Amendment Impact Terror Finance Investigations?
JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Jews and money: When anti-Semitism isn't
JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 16, 2007 / 28 Nissan, 5767

Steinbrenner to name successor

By Andy Borowitz


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Yankee Boss Releases Shortlist

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | With his soon-to-be-former son-in-law Steve Swindal reportedly no longer his heir apparent, and no other members of the immediate family likely to step up, George Steinbrenner might have to think outside the box to find a replacement. According to insiders, the following little-known candidates have emerged as serious contenders for the Yankee throne:


BARON RUPERT VON STEINBRENNER A member of the Bavarian branch of the Steinbrenner family, Baron Rupert von Steinbrenner has never paid a visit to Yankee Stadium, preferring to spend summers in his 17th-century castle on the Danube. Rumor has it that the Yankee owner's "baseball people" in Tampa, Fla., shudder at the thought of their storied franchise in the hands of a man who has spent most of his adult life raising prize-winning finches. But perhaps Rupert is ready for a new challenge; in a recent interview with the Bavarian newspaper Suddentsche Zeitung, he said, "I am very interest in this ball of bases."


KIM JONG-STEINBRENNER Very little is known about the super-reclusive head of the North Korean branch of the Steinbrenners, who for the past 15 years has managed the family's vast plutonium mining interests. George Steinbrenner paid an impromptu visit to his mercurial ninth cousin while scouting pitching talent in Pyongyang in early 2002. According to one insider who was present at the meeting in Kim's highly fortified underground bunker, the Yankee boss came away impressed, although he feared that the North Korean might be "a little too autocratic." Still, Steinbrenner is reported to be high on Kim, believing that if he were at the helm of the Yankees, he would try to win at all costs. "Kim would try to destroy the Red Sox," the insider said. "Literally."


BIZARRO GEORGE STEINBRENNER NO. 1 Perhaps the darkest of dark horses on the list, Bizarro George Steinbrenner No.1 has run the Old York Yankees of the alternate universe known as the Bizarro Planet for the past 30 years, securing 30 consecutive last-place finishes. The Bizarro Yankee boss's recent comments to the Bizarro Planet's leading sports magazine, Mademoiselle, offer some hints about his baseball philosophy: "Me spend big money on bad players and lose, lose, lose!" One Steinbrenner insider believes that Bizarro George Steinbrenner No. 1 has virtually no chance of running the Yankees, but adds, "He could catch on with the Knicks."


ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES Rumors that the embattled attorney general had made George Steinbrenner's shortlist swept through Tampa and the Bronx this week. Gonzales is the only non-Steinbrenner under consideration, and the mere mention of his name has Yankee-watchers debating his pros and cons. "On the negative side, Gonzales doesn't seem very good at remembering things that were said at meetings," says the insider. "But on the plus side, it looks like he's going to be available soon." Gonzales's biggest fan may also be the most important one: The Boss himself. "Steinbrenner is totally blown away by Alberto," the insider says. "Even George has never fired eight people in one day."


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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.

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