In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 16, 2007 / 28 Nissan, 5767

Steinbrenner to name successor

By Andy Borowitz

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Yankee Boss Releases Shortlist

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | With his soon-to-be-former son-in-law Steve Swindal reportedly no longer his heir apparent, and no other members of the immediate family likely to step up, George Steinbrenner might have to think outside the box to find a replacement. According to insiders, the following little-known candidates have emerged as serious contenders for the Yankee throne:

BARON RUPERT VON STEINBRENNER A member of the Bavarian branch of the Steinbrenner family, Baron Rupert von Steinbrenner has never paid a visit to Yankee Stadium, preferring to spend summers in his 17th-century castle on the Danube. Rumor has it that the Yankee owner's "baseball people" in Tampa, Fla., shudder at the thought of their storied franchise in the hands of a man who has spent most of his adult life raising prize-winning finches. But perhaps Rupert is ready for a new challenge; in a recent interview with the Bavarian newspaper Suddentsche Zeitung, he said, "I am very interest in this ball of bases."

KIM JONG-STEINBRENNER Very little is known about the super-reclusive head of the North Korean branch of the Steinbrenners, who for the past 15 years has managed the family's vast plutonium mining interests. George Steinbrenner paid an impromptu visit to his mercurial ninth cousin while scouting pitching talent in Pyongyang in early 2002. According to one insider who was present at the meeting in Kim's highly fortified underground bunker, the Yankee boss came away impressed, although he feared that the North Korean might be "a little too autocratic." Still, Steinbrenner is reported to be high on Kim, believing that if he were at the helm of the Yankees, he would try to win at all costs. "Kim would try to destroy the Red Sox," the insider said. "Literally."

BIZARRO GEORGE STEINBRENNER NO. 1 Perhaps the darkest of dark horses on the list, Bizarro George Steinbrenner No.1 has run the Old York Yankees of the alternate universe known as the Bizarro Planet for the past 30 years, securing 30 consecutive last-place finishes. The Bizarro Yankee boss's recent comments to the Bizarro Planet's leading sports magazine, Mademoiselle, offer some hints about his baseball philosophy: "Me spend big money on bad players and lose, lose, lose!" One Steinbrenner insider believes that Bizarro George Steinbrenner No. 1 has virtually no chance of running the Yankees, but adds, "He could catch on with the Knicks."

ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES Rumors that the embattled attorney general had made George Steinbrenner's shortlist swept through Tampa and the Bronx this week. Gonzales is the only non-Steinbrenner under consideration, and the mere mention of his name has Yankee-watchers debating his pros and cons. "On the negative side, Gonzales doesn't seem very good at remembering things that were said at meetings," says the insider. "But on the plus side, it looks like he's going to be available soon." Gonzales's biggest fan may also be the most important one: The Boss himself. "Steinbrenner is totally blown away by Alberto," the insider says. "Even George has never fired eight people in one day."

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.

© 2007, Andy Borowitz