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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
April 12, 2006
/ 14 Nissan, 5766
Barely Working: Warning: 10 % of telecommuters are in the buff
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
You probably want to know why I am writing this column naked. So do my co-workers, who seem a little upset.
Ha-ha. Nope, no co-workers. I am home, "tele-commuting," a practice that has become popular in recent years, particularly among federal workers. According to a recent government survey, almost half the federal workforce telecommutes at least occasionally. According to another survey, by industry groups, about 10 percent of American telecommuters acknowledge that they work naked. To extrapolate, right now as many as 150,000 federal workers might be naked, including, statistically speaking, Condoleezza Rice.
So, ah . . .
Sorry, lost my train of thought.
Because telecommuting involves working without direct supervision, it relies on one's innate sense of integrity and industriousness. In terms of federal government productivity and competence, this might explain, say, the Medicare prescription drug benefits, which, in a mysterious oversight, appear to be available only upon death.
The nakedness factor seems to add yet another wrinkle. As it were.
So I've been researching this subject for an entire day from an empirical scientific standpoint, and am now ready to issue my report.
Federal Study on the Policy of Working Naked
By Gene Weingarten
1. According to the surveys, naked men in the workforce outnumber naked women by almost 2 to 1. This is a shame, since, in the opinion of this researcher, the female body is better equipped for this demanding enterprise. Researcher learned this when peeling himself up from a leather chair. This sentence is replacing a sentence that this researcher's editor deleted, for reasons of taste and propriety, which explains why this sentence is not funny. The other sentence definitely was funny, inasmuch as it contained the word "thwuck."
2. There is a physical phenomenon called "thermal conductivity," which explains why some substances feel colder than other substances even if both are the same temperature. Wooden floors and carpeting, for example, have low thermal conductivity, meaning they don't pull all the heat from your skin, so they feel pretty warm to the touch. Other substances have much higher thermal conductivity. Among these is stone, which is the material on the floor of researcher's basement office, which explains why, before sitting down to work, researcher did an awkward little naked dance that could have brought a laugh to the lips of a corpse. Naked means naked, however, so in the interests of science, no socks were procured.
3. When working naked, one tends to close all blinds and shutters, and generally transform oneself into a working wombat. However, during such stressful, high-stakes times one discovers that some areas of one's home cannot be adequately shielded from outside view. In the instant case, this involved a front door with a glass panel that permits an unobstructed view of an area roughly two feet square at the top of the stairs to the basement. So if one is in the kitchen, naked, and the mailman rings the bell, and one's bathrobe is downstairs, there is some peril in retrieving it, no matter how quickly one scampers. Researcher intuited this when he arrived at the door and observed the polite but oddly complacent expression on the mailman's face, which resembled the sort of look Monica Lewinsky must get, all the time.
4. Telecommuting naked can be an important weight-loss aid. Noshing is nearly impossible. This is because all reflective surfaces prove dispiriting, in particular the stainless steel refrigerator door.
5. The state of working naked is so foreign that one is constantly aware of it, and of its silliness and inappropriateness. This can be a crippling awareness, particularly when someone telephones. It is no problem with a call from one's wife, but it does become a problem with a call from one's daughter, who will want to know why one is giggling. It is bad to lie to one's daughter, but sometimes it is imperative. Also, giggling produces jiggling, which is not good.
6. Smoking a cigar is a bad idea.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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