Jewish World Review April 28, 2006 / 30 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Brett Favre agreed Thursday to return next fall to
quarterback the Green Bay Packers. His financial compensation
package could break records. It's believed to be the first sports
contract in history pegged directly to the price of gasoline.
USC's Reggie Bush denied ties to a sports marketing company
which leased his parents a house for free. The family fled the
home the day the story broke. Houston may draft Reggie Bush first
tomorrow just to make the oil companies look less duplicitous.
President Bush told a few jokes Wednesday while introducing
Tony Snow to the White House press corps, but they refused to
laugh. It's a cyclical thing. By the fifth year of Bill Clinton's
presidency he was having to drop his pants to get laughs.
Bill Clinton's office apologized Wednesday for his new
Smithsonian portrait showing no sign of his wedding ring. He's
reached the age where he's comfortable in his beliefs. The Clinton
Doctrine states that monogamy is the enemy of free will.
David Copperfield fooled street robbers who demanded his
wallet Thursday. He palmed his wallet and pulled out four empty
pockets convincing them he was broke. This is an old trick he
bought from the accounting department at Paramount Studios.
Charlie Sheen was ripped in divorce court filings Friday by his wife, actress Denise Richards. She said he gets prescription drugs in the mail, gambles tens of thousands of dollars, and views pornography. She's the one who gave him a computer for Christmas.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton