Jewish World Review April 21, 2006 / 23 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
China's president Hu Jintao was met by President Bush at the
White House Thursday with full honors. The president ordered that
twenty-one guns be fired. After the smoke cleared it was evident
that Don Rumsfeld had survived another purge.
Queen Elizabeth I starring Helen Mirren as the sixteenth-
century monarch airs Saturday. It has her famous speech at Tilbury
where she inspires the repulsion of a Spanish invasion. She's
already leading the polls in the New Hampshire primary.
President Bush addressed educators at Tuskegee University
Wednesday. He cited the school as an excellent example of how to
train today's students for jobs in tomorrow's economy. They're
learning to speak Hindustani and live on a dollar a day.
Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney could be indicted by a grand
jury for hitting a Capitol Hill cop at the metal detector. She was
outraged he didn't recognize her. She demanded he be fired and
replaced by the maitre d' at the Cheesecake Factory.
National League teams heard demands from parents Tuesday
that alcohol not be served to left-field bleacher fans when Barry
Bonds is in town. There's simply no evidence that sobriety will
prevent violence. President Bush is proof of that.
Senator Hillary Clinton received the endorsement Thursday of
New York City's firefighters unions. She's careful to stay on good
terms with these guys. Every time she releases her financial
disclosure reports there is another fire to put out.
Hillary Clinton spoke at a fund-raiser in Seattle last week
where she was wildly cheered by Democrats. She didn't mention her
husband until late in the speech. The best thing about being a
star is that you don't have to open with your best joke.
An Oregon State professor said Wednesday he has invented a
miniature reactor that can convert vegetable oil to biodiesel.
Don't get your hopes up. Due to its press deadline, Oil and Gas Journal
went ahead and ran his obituary three weeks before the car accident.
Al Gore began promoting his book warning about global
warming Tuesday. Even the Weather Channel is hyping the crisis.
They're showing clips of the plagues from the Ten Commandments and
calling it tomorrow's weather forecast for California.
Los Angeles officials found an isolated case of bubonic plague Tuesday. This city sprang right into action. When the newspaper said that Black Death rang up millions in the fourteenth century, a battle broke out for the television rights.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton