Jewish World Review April 18, 2006 / 20 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New York Mercantile Exchange on Tuesday saw the price of
oil hit seventy dollars per barrel. It's creating an insane amount
of wealth in oil towns. Anna Nicole Smith just opened up a chain
of charm schools in Ponca City and Bartlesville.
French President Jacques Chirac caved in to demands for
guaranteed employment Friday, ending weeks of rioting and burning
in Paris. The French cabinet was at its wit's end over how to
restore order. They were this close to calling in the Germans.
Jane Fonda called off her nationwide speaking tour Monday to
protest the war in Iraq. It's best for the country. We simply
don't have enough vegetables to feed a growing nation and
editorialize against Jane Fonda's speeches at the same time.
Neil Young released an album called Impeach President Bush.
He's yesterday's music. Last night at Dodger Stadium the manager
called the umpire every dirty name in the book, and six of his
players came out of the dugout and started dancing.
New York police installed the first of five hundred security
cameras on a Brooklyn street Monday. The idea is to prevent crime
and terrorism with live camera coverage. Now there are sitcom
stars from the Eighties who will buy their coke in Brooklyn just
to get back onto the air.
Illinois Governor George Ryan was convicted of corruption Monday. He showed up to hear the verdict in a beautiful pinstripe suit. Illinois politicians always wear striped suits so they don't have to change clothes when they go to prison.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton