Jewish World Review April 18, 2006 / 20 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The St. Louis Cardinals held the opening game at the team's
new Busch Stadium on Tuesday. Fans were awed. It's so much larger
than the original Busch Stadium it suggests that the problem of
steroids in baseball may not be limited to the players.
Barry Bonds was reported Friday to be under investigation
for perjury over steroid testimony. His supporters are vocal. At
the home opener in San Francisco last week the fans greeted him
with open arms, but he didn't bring enough for everybody.
The New York Post said Friday Sharon Stone is lying low
after Basic Instinct 2 bombed at the box office for the last two
weekends. It's so embarrassing. The other night, half the audience
got up and walked out, and it was the in-flight movie.
Wall Street slid Friday over the new five percent treasury
bond that drained investor cash. There's more. Under current
conditions it's tempting for parents to take money out of the
stock market and invest it in the children's gasoline fund.
Hispanics organized a boycott of McDonald's, Dunkin' Donuts
and Pizza Hut scheduled for this May Day. It's called Operation
Nothing Gringo. Not only will it call attention to their cause, they
will be so healthy they might stop clogging up the emergency rooms.
Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad announced in a public speech on Tuesday that Iran has enriched uranium. He asked the audience to notice the halo around his head. The Pentagon's new laser targeting beam really gives your face a nice glow.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton