Jewish World Review April 7, 2006 / 9 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tiger Woods served dinner at the annual Masters banquet
Tuesday. He wore his green jacket with a white handkerchief and
red golf shirt. He looked enough like the Mexican flag that a
thousand protesters followed him from the kitchen to his car.
The Washington Nationals hold their home opener in the
nation's capital this week. The game of baseball is a needed life
lesson for all the lobbyists in the stands. If you get three
strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
Barry Bonds wept on camera and talked about his kids and his
dog when he was confronted about allegations Tuesday. It might
work for him. When Richard Nixon tried the same thing it bought
him another twenty-two years before he had to retire.
Wal-Mart ignored protests Wednesday and sold Brokeback
Mountain on DVD in all stores. To ban the movie would be
inconsistent. Wal-Mart carries webcams in the computer department
in the belief that how a teenager gets rich is own business.
The FAA declared an impasse Wednesday in talks between the
U.S. government and the air traffic controllers' union. Let's hope
they don't walk off the job. We would have to hire Mexicans to
replace them just to make sure they are not al-Qaeda.
The U.S. Senate debated Wednesday but failed to reach a
consensus on the status of twelve million illegal aliens. Hispanic
activists vow they are determined to stay in America and live
free. Now all they have to do is qualify for disability.
San Diego schools banned displaying the U.S. flag on
Wednesday to avoid offending Hispanic students. The American Civil
Liberties Union is justifiably outraged. You are not allowed to
ban the flag in this country, you are only allowed to burn it.
Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney hit a Capitol Hill cop with
her cell phone and could face charges. There's video of the black
woman hitting the cop. When news editors in Los Angeles saw the
pictures they thought the negative had been flipped.
Hillary Clinton spoke to the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce in Washington D.C. Wednesday. She quoted some of her husband's old lines in her speech and they all worked. When she left the conference there were three blondes waiting in her car.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton