Jewish World Review April 6, 2006 / 8 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Masters starts today at Augusta National Golf Club. Each
day the gallery consists of forty thousand Protestants wearing
polo shirts and pleated slacks. It's the largest crowd walking in
America this week not following a Mexican flag.
California couple George and Shigeyo Yamasaki toasted their
eightieth wedding anniversary Monday. It was cause to celebrate.
For their anniversary dinner he wanted to take her out to the most
expensive place in town, so they ate at the Arco station.
Katie Couric announced Wednesday she's leaving NBC to anchor
the CBS Evening News. It's good news for incumbents this fall. The
voters will never believe the country is on the wrong track with
Shirley Temple reading us the news every night.
Tom DeLay announced Tuesday he's resigning from the U.S.
Congress and will not run for re-election for his seat. It was a
noble move. He said he wants to give the Republican Party a chance
to nominate a man with less baggage, say, Barry Bonds.
John McCain was booed by union construction workers Tuesday
when he told them they wouldn't pick lettuce for fifty bucks an
hour. It's nothing new. The North Vietnamese were the first to
notice that John McCain is no friend of the working man.
Congress heard testimony Tuesday from a teenager who
performed live sex acts in front of his computer camera for men
who requested it. Predators paid him big bucks to watch. To ensure
identity protection during the hearing, the voices of the
congressmen were disguised.
Saddam Hussein was hit with new charges in Iraq's special
court Monday. They charged him with killing fifty thousand people
and wiping out entire villages. Saddam's tsunami impression was
always the hit of the annual office Christmas party.
Hillary Clinton was criticized by Hollywood Democrats in the Los Angeles Times Tuesday for being too conservative or too polarizing or not liberal enough or too stiff and even too sexy. She doesn't connect well with Hollywood people. Hillary Clinton was raised in a city where Satan is your enemy, not your agent.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton