Jewish World Review April 4, 2006 / 6 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Ten Commandments airs Sunday on ABC in an updated eight-hour
mini-series version of the Bible story. They were able to cut corners on
the budget. Two million extras worked free of charge in the scene where
Moses parts the Rio Grande.
Major League Baseball launched a steroid probe on Thursday. The
drug shrinks testicles and develops male breasts. You knew it was time
to clamp down when Barry Bonds began watching Desperate Housewives to
see what kind of shoes they were wearing.
National Football League owners voted in Orlando last week to ban
touchdown celebrations. Dallas Cowboys fans are simply furious. They
don't understand why Arabs get to shoot their guns in the air when
something good happens and they don't.
Harry Belafonte joined Cynthia McKinney on stage in Washington
Friday to defend her for hitting a cop. It didn't get the expected
reaction. He brought up slavery and it just reminded everyone to pick up
some yard workers at Home Depot on the way home.
Virgin Airways began selling passenger tickets Thursday for their
supersonic flights into space. It's very exciting. They've even asked
William Shatner if he would accept the honor of being the first American
to plant the Mexican flag on Mars.
U.S. Border Patrol agents used gamma-ray imaging for the first
time Thursday to detect stowaways in a car trunk. It's surprisingly
effective. The stowaways didn't make it into the country, but at least
their prostates are down to a manageable size.
The Sopranos agreed to shoot eight extra episodes following this season before producers end the epic. The series is shot in New Jersey for realism because that's where the real gangsters operate, not Los Angeles. In Beverly Hills, the head of the local mafia is Dom Perignon.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton