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Dec. 3, 2008

Steven Emerson: Yes, the terrorists are winning

Don Terry: Lifetime, no see

Dec. 2, 2008

Melanie Phillips: The Mumbai atrocity is a wake-up call for a frighteningly unprepared world

Stratfor Geopolitical Intelligence Report: Strategic Motivations for the Mumbai Attack

Dec. 1, 2008

Max Freidlander, as told to Jacklyn C. Wadler: India Inkings

Mark Steyn: Whodunit!?

Nov. 28, 2008

Rabbi Ahron Rapps: An evil seed that didn't have to be

Melanie Phillips: Carpe diem --- or can we all relax now?

Nov. 26, 2008

Michael Feldberg: Meet the Orthodox Jew who laid groundwork for scientific development of ordnance that undergirds America's current world leadership

Andrea Simantov: Shades of life

Nov. 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Getting Emotional For Influence

The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman : Thanksiving feast!

Nov. 24, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: 'I just Became a grandchild!'

Barry Rubin: Don't flatter your enemies, protect your friends

Nov. 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov. 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 22, 2005 / 13 Nisan, 5765

Suit Yourself

By Gene Weingarten


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Everyone has his personal heroes, and I just found me a new one. When I read about what he had allegedly done, I called him at his law office in Alton, Ill., to inform him that I worship him.

Me: I suppose you know why I am calling.

Emert Wyss, Esq.: Yes, but it is not the way it was reported, exactly. There was a third-party action against me. You see, when a defendant turns around and counterclaims, there is no way for . . .

Me: You accidentally sued yourself, right?

Emert Wyss, Esq.: Well, I really can't comment on this because I am involved in the litigation.

I tried to schmooze him. I told him that, really, he didn't have to feel so bad, that something like this was bound to happen eventually. I told him that he would forever be a hero to humor writers nationwide. I told him that as far as I was concerned he is a giant of American irony, and that he owed it to history to talk to me. Sadly, he didn't fall for it. He did what any great lawyer would do, under similar circumstances. He referred me to his lawyer.

I fully expected his lawyer to refer me to his lawyer, but that didn't happen. Mr. Wyss's lawyer, A.J. Bronsky, lamented that the publicity has "taken a circumstance and made more of it than it is" and added that he expected his client to emerge a winner. But he, too, said he didn't want Wyss being interviewed. So all I was left with was the public record, which was plenty entertaining.

Here is what apparently happened, as first gleefully reported by the Madison County Record, an Illinois legal journal. Published by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Record writes often about what it contends are frivolous lawsuits. (I also spoke to a party to the litigation, who confirmed the basic facts.)

Wyss, a real estate lawyer, represented a client in the refinancing of her house. He also owned the title company that helped close the deal. When he became suspicious of two $30 fax fees being charged by the mortgage holder, he persuaded his client to file a class action suit against the mortgage company. The suit was officially filed by three other lawyers whom Wyss recruited, but Wyss considered himself an attorney in the action, too, and stood to make a fee. (This wasn't about a measly $60, at least for the lawyers. Class action suits, which seek damages for hundreds of unnamed other plaintiffs, typically have a potential for humongous payouts.) Unfortunately for Wyss, during pretrial depositions it became clear that, although the $60 in fax fees went to the mortgage company, the transaction had been handled by the title company Wyss owned. That made the title company potentially liable, too. So the judge permitted the defense lawyers to add Wyss and his company as defendants. At that point, you could say, Wyss was suing himself. As I write this, the case is still pending.

I had intended to ask Wyss a bunch of enlightening questions about the case, questions designed to clarify the matter, build his legacy in the annals of American jurisprudence, and, you know, make him squirm like a maggot in hot oil. I consider that my responsibility, as a journalist.

Here were my questions:

(1) Would you rather win or lose the case, knowing that if you win you lose, and if you lose, you win? Please explain your answer, in 6,000 words or fewer, using a minimum of 13 "whereases."

(2) Which would you say would be a better analogy to what happened here — a used-car salesman accidentally selling himself a lemon, or the Una-bomber accidentally having his package returned to sender for insufficient postage?

(3) If you got yourself on the witness stand, would you make mincemeat out of you? Could you make yourself cry?

(4) Did you ever consider the strategy of countersuing yourself? Might that not cause you to reconsider the first suit and possibly settle with yourself out of court?

(5) If every lawyer sued himself or herself, that would increase the number of lawsuits exponentially, requiring the hiring of more lawyers. Might it all work out swell for the legal profession? Could you, in fact, have started a trend?

Alas, these questions must go unanswered.

According to reports, Wyss has since forfeited his legal fees from the plaintiff's case, so he is no longer being sued by himself. He is merely being sued by the lawyers whom he originally brought into the case.

Maybe you think I am being too harsh on the guy just because he is a lawyer. Maybe I am. So sue me.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.


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