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Dec. 3, 2008

Steven Emerson: Yes, the terrorists are winning

Don Terry: Lifetime, no see

Dec. 2, 2008

Melanie Phillips: The Mumbai atrocity is a wake-up call for a frighteningly unprepared world

Stratfor Geopolitical Intelligence Report: Strategic Motivations for the Mumbai Attack

Dec. 1, 2008

Max Freidlander, as told to Jacklyn C. Wadler: India Inkings

Mark Steyn: Whodunit!?

Nov. 28, 2008

Rabbi Ahron Rapps: An evil seed that didn't have to be

Melanie Phillips: Carpe diem --- or can we all relax now?

Nov. 26, 2008

Michael Feldberg: Meet the Orthodox Jew who laid groundwork for scientific development of ordnance that undergirds America's current world leadership

Andrea Simantov: Shades of life

Nov. 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Getting Emotional For Influence

The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman : Thanksiving feast!

Nov. 24, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: 'I just Became a grandchild!'

Barry Rubin: Don't flatter your enemies, protect your friends

Nov. 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov. 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 6, 2005 / 26 Adar II, 5765

The future lied to me

By Joe Keefe


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My computer crashed today. Again. The third time in a year. The news of a computer problem comes as a shock to absolutely no one because every one of us has experienced a major computer crisis within the last year. Like death and taxes, computer crashes are as common as Paris Hilton home videos — if you don't already have one, you will soon.


The problem is — I'm a writer. If my computer doesn't work, I don't get paid. This is difficult to explain to the geeks who "fix" my unruly laptop. They have all the time in the world to work on my computer and will not be rushed. And because they are moderately competent, they have several million clients from which to select. They work on my machine purely out of pity. Here's a little game we play: they charge whatever they like to fix my computer and I gladly pay it. They tell me what they've done and I pretend I understand what they've said.


This is the worst part of techno-problems — dealing with the brilliant young persons who actually purport to understand how the machines work. In my case, I'm actually somewhat computer savvy. For example: I know how to shut off my computer without causing a fire. This puts me well ahead of most humans. But no matter your level of competence, one of the primary functions of your computer expert is to make you feel stupid.


My two current geeks are brilliant, competent and foreign. It's not enough that they involve me in techno-speak that would confuse Stephen Hawking; their accents are sufficiently dense that I have no idea what they are saying. This is not their fault — it's mine. If I were truly serious about computing, I'd learn their native languages. Strangely enough, they don't understand each other very well either. But one thing is certain in their worlds — I'm an idiot who doesn't know his ISP from a hole in the firewall.


Here's the point: we, the children of the 1950s and 60s, have been ripped off. By now, we were supposed to have floating cars that zipped to penthouse apartments atop high-rise spires. We were promised robotic servants who would walk our mechanical pets on treadmills attached to our gardens in the sky.


Like you, I was raised on the promise of a wondrous future as described in Star Trek, My Favorite Martian and The Jetsons. I firmly believed I'd be teleported from work to home, doors would open on my command and computers would speak to me in sexy, yet mechanical voices. Reality however, is a harsh mistress. My car only floats when I accidentally park in a pond; the only robot in our house is the one I couldn't build for the kids two Christmases back and our house isn't quite a penthouse in the sky; it's more like a shack in a swamp.


But never fear — we've refinanced the house to get the computer fixed. And I'm still holding out for the levitating car.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Joe Keefe is a columnist for The Washington Examiner Newspaper. His callings comprise satirist, author and professional smart aleck. Joe's writing credits include National Lampoon Magazine, Second City Television and innumerable grade-school chalkboard punishments. Comment by clicking here.


© 2005 Joe Keefe

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