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Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 6, 2005 / 26 Adar II, 5765

The future lied to me

By Joe Keefe


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My computer crashed today. Again. The third time in a year. The news of a computer problem comes as a shock to absolutely no one because every one of us has experienced a major computer crisis within the last year. Like death and taxes, computer crashes are as common as Paris Hilton home videos — if you don't already have one, you will soon.


The problem is — I'm a writer. If my computer doesn't work, I don't get paid. This is difficult to explain to the geeks who "fix" my unruly laptop. They have all the time in the world to work on my computer and will not be rushed. And because they are moderately competent, they have several million clients from which to select. They work on my machine purely out of pity. Here's a little game we play: they charge whatever they like to fix my computer and I gladly pay it. They tell me what they've done and I pretend I understand what they've said.


This is the worst part of techno-problems — dealing with the brilliant young persons who actually purport to understand how the machines work. In my case, I'm actually somewhat computer savvy. For example: I know how to shut off my computer without causing a fire. This puts me well ahead of most humans. But no matter your level of competence, one of the primary functions of your computer expert is to make you feel stupid.


My two current geeks are brilliant, competent and foreign. It's not enough that they involve me in techno-speak that would confuse Stephen Hawking; their accents are sufficiently dense that I have no idea what they are saying. This is not their fault — it's mine. If I were truly serious about computing, I'd learn their native languages. Strangely enough, they don't understand each other very well either. But one thing is certain in their worlds — I'm an idiot who doesn't know his ISP from a hole in the firewall.


Here's the point: we, the children of the 1950s and 60s, have been ripped off. By now, we were supposed to have floating cars that zipped to penthouse apartments atop high-rise spires. We were promised robotic servants who would walk our mechanical pets on treadmills attached to our gardens in the sky.


Like you, I was raised on the promise of a wondrous future as described in Star Trek, My Favorite Martian and The Jetsons. I firmly believed I'd be teleported from work to home, doors would open on my command and computers would speak to me in sexy, yet mechanical voices. Reality however, is a harsh mistress. My car only floats when I accidentally park in a pond; the only robot in our house is the one I couldn't build for the kids two Christmases back and our house isn't quite a penthouse in the sky; it's more like a shack in a swamp.


But never fear — we've refinanced the house to get the computer fixed. And I'm still holding out for the levitating car.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Joe Keefe is a columnist for The Washington Examiner Newspaper. His callings comprise satirist, author and professional smart aleck. Joe's writing credits include National Lampoon Magazine, Second City Television and innumerable grade-school chalkboard punishments. Comment by clicking here.


© 2005 Joe Keefe

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