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Jewish World Review April 11, 2005 / 2 Nisan, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The National Park Service said Friday sharpshooters may be
hired to kill the excess deer at Camp David. That's so off-
message. Any day President Bush will have the deer enrolled in an
abstinence education program called the Buck Stops Here.
President Bush said Friday he plans to make his income tax
cut permanent. It gives people a choice. You can either have the
three hundred dollar rebate check mailed to your home address or
you can have it sent directly to the gasoline station.
Prince Charles married Camilla Saturday in a ceremony
conducted by the clerk at a town hall. They finally pulled it off.
The wedding had all the passion of a lawn bowling tournament and
all the pomp and pageantry of a driver's license renewal.
Vanity Fair released its May issue with the cast of
Desperate Housewives on the cover posing poolside in bathing
suits. It's breathtaking. There haven't been this many cheaters in
one photograph since Congress held the steroid hearings.
Bill Clinton drew a large crowd in Italy on Thursday when he
went for a walk on the streets of Rome. Women chanted his name and
men ran out of the storefronts to speak to him. Those new early
pregnancy tests are really a mixed blessing.
Indianapolis Pacer Ron Artest was sued by the Detroit
Pistons fan he slugged thinking the man threw a beer on him in
November. It turns out he attacked the wrong guy. That kind of
mistake is not tolerated in the real world, it's re-elected.
Hillary Clinton placed a hold on the nomination of the Food
and Drug Administration chairman last week. She wants the morning-
after pill approved more quickly. The pill is just for women
because generally speaking, men are nowhere to be found the
morning after.
Montana banned smoking Thursday even though the state was
once the panoramic backdrop for Marlboro Country commercials on
television. Three of the four cowboys who portrayed the Man from
Marlboro Country died of smoking-related diseases. Big Tobacco
insists it proves conclusively that horseback riding causes lung cancer.
Major League Baseball suspended its first player Sunday for
testing positive for steroids. All players are getting urine tests
on a regular basis. That must be what Bud Selig meant when he
declared that this is baseball's Golden Era.
Los Angeles cringed Friday as gas prices hit three dollars a
gallon. It does not have to ruin anyone's fun. To duplicate the
feeling of being on a vacation all you have to do is stay at home
for two weeks and tip every third person you see.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
