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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
April 12, 2005
/ 3 Nissan, 5765
Relativity speaking, Einstein was a slacker
By
Peter Mehlman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Dear Albert Einstein:
Rest assured, in the 50 years since your passing, your name still comes up in conversation. Usually the context is something to the tune of:
"Thank G-d I have a ton of money because, believe me, my kid is no Einstein."
Or, "Yeah, that's why the title is 'Death of a Salesman,' Einstein."
Or, "Bernie, you have to get it looked at. I know a cosmetic orthopedist over at Einstein."
These statements should make you feel good about yourself. However, they also make it difficult to inform you that, in retrospect, you were a world-class underachiever.
Perhaps you feel that dreaming up E=MC2, the unified field theory, quantum theory and the theory of relativity by the age of 30, then moving to America and focusing the rest of your days on dating our college girls, constitutes a full life, but that's not the way we do things. Not here. Not now. Not in the 21st century.
We never stop striving. Take my neighbors, Al and Mathilda Tuthill. Their 54 years together has been the marital equivalent of ethnic cleansing. But do they give up on life? No. Ruth still gets weekly pedicures. Al goes with her to every appointment and insists on signing a "Do Not Resuscitate" form. How's that for stick-to-it-tiveness?
Oh wait, you don't know what a "Do Not Resuscitate" form is … Einstein.
My main problem with you, Albert, is that, with your brains, you could have helped humanity so much more than you did. But you squandered everything on physics, a science that is, at best, worthy of a hobby.
If you had ditched the secrets of the universe and discovered a way to make Diet Coke taste exactly like regular, we wouldn't be having this discussion today.
Oh wait. Diet Coke is a mystery to you. But E=MC2? That you understand. Anyway, I can't completely dismiss your life. You did rather well considering that, as a child, everyone thought you were slow in the head. At what age did you start talking, 8?
Well, if you were a kid today, you would be plied with so many pharmaceuticals, your parents would be happy if you just masterminded the theory of not eating mud.
But once you started talking, you were magnificently eloquent. This makes it all the sadder that the world today is so far removed from your hopes.
For instance, you were a great lover of the arts. You know what we consider art today? Investing. Consulting. Marketing. Relief pitching. Polling. We don't administer the Heimlich maneuver, we perform the Heimlich maneuver. Like squeezing a piece of sirloin from someone's esophagus is a piano recital.
(Heimlich? No, no one you knew.)
Now Albert, after the bomb, you admirably philosophized on world peace. Your poignant insights take up pages of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. Unfortunately, we're not really into peace. At best, we're into tolerance. We don't respect strangers, we tolerate them. In Los Angeles, there's even a Museum of Tolerance. It's like the Museum of Natural History, except instead of dinosaur remains, they have exhibits about being nice. And yet, if someone opened a Museum of Zero Tolerance, they would blow those better angels right out of business. They're not exactly raking it with those exhibits about hate crime.
Oh. New term: Hate crime. Every crime now is either a hate crime or not a hate crime. No "he gets on my nerves" crime; no "she's not my cup of tea" crime. Just hate or not hate. That's how bad things are: After we victimize someone, we rate how much we like them. If we really like them, we commit identity theft. Identity theft?
Well, suffice to say, the world is a different place today. Let's see you dream up the unified field theory while juggling four PIN numbers, eight secret codes, 12 preset radio stations, five TV remotes. You'd be like us, doing anything — anything! — just to clear your head.
Personally, between my massages, acupuncture and yoga, I barely have a minute to myself. And the thing is, Albert, we all partake in these comforting anesthetics without truly believing in any of them.
You should see people gazing at the sunset from the bluffs of Santa Monica every night just waiting, waiting, waiting for some revelation about life that never comes.
Boy, 50 years … can you believe it, Albert? Anyway, how are things with you?
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and the media consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Peter Mehlman, a television writer and producer, worked on "Seinfeld." Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Los Angeles Times Distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate
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