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Jewish World Review
April 6, 2005
/ 26 Adar II, 5765
Queen Elizabeth battling Empty Nest Syndrome
Starts Meddling in the lives of random British subjects
With the marriage of her son Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles just days away, Queen Elizabeth II is battling a "mean case" of empty nest syndrome, sources say, and has taken to meddling in the lives of random British subjects to fill the void.
"The final countdown to Charles' wedding has been hard on the old girl, I dare say," said one close associate of the Queen, who identified himself only by his first name, Philip.
"She has been pacing the halls of Buckingham Palace, moaning that her little one is moving out," he continued. "I wish the old bat would pull her together somehow."
Most troubling, the associate said, is that the Queen has started scanning the wedding pages of the London Times and other British newspapers looking for ordinary British subjects whose lives might benefit from her interference.
Last Saturday, the Queen showed up unannounced at the Islington home of Cordelia Grenville-Coates, who is slated to be wed later this month to her longtime fiancÚ, orthopedic surgeon Frank Bowlins.
"She started tearing up my guest list and demanding that I change the venue," Ms. Grenville-Coates said. "I don't mean any disrespect to the Queen, but she really did seem to be off her nut."
According to the associate close to the Queen, her recent behavior has been a source of great embarrassment to her two grandchildren, Prince Charles' sons: "I must say, I feel sorry for Prince William and the little Nazi."
Elsewhere, the president of Kyrgyzstan stepped down today after admitting that he could not spell Kyrgyzstan.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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