In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 8, 2005 / 28 Adar II, 5765

Best comedy writers work for the IRS

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I have a long-standing tradition of getting surly at tax time. This happens to many people, but is especially likely to happen to those of us who are self-employed.

The husband, whom I find to be thorough and honest to the point of obsessive, sometimes questions the accuracy of my record keeping. At such times, I am prone to turn on him and his manila envelopes stuffed with receipts, check registers, pay stubs and computer printouts and affectionately refer to him as a dinosaur. He responds with some crack about how do I think I'd look in an orange jumpsuit, and the next thing you know we are in that Ladies Home Journal feature, "Can This Marriage Be Saved?"

The husband knows it is important to keep me in good humor while working on taxes. He often does this by giving me interesting things to read from the 1040 instruction booklet. Last year he supplied me with entertaining material on tax deductions that include yachts, luxury vacations, golf outings and trips to Vegas. He believes that if my hands are holding reading material, they are less likely to be rifling through his highly-organized records or inching around his neck.

This year he has thoughtfully directed me to the section of the instruction booklet titled "Other Income." In the middle column of page 27 of form 525, you will find, in bold print, BRIBES. "If you receive a bribe, include it in your income."

There's more. In addition to bribes, the IRS would also like you to report kickbacks. "You must include kickbacks, side commissions, push money or similar payments you receive in your income . . . "

So I guess you go to H&R Block, hand over the W-2s and say, "Oh, by the way, add in 15 grand under other income for a construction contract I threw to my brother-in-law." Maybe if you pay your 23 percent in taxes, nobody bats an eye or asks for an explanation.

The IRS would also like you to report — ready? — illegal income. "Illegal income, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity."

My question is this: Do you just write the amount of income from illegal drugs on line 21, or do you also draw an arrow into the margin and scribble, "Meth lab good this yr., pls don't tell Momma, her heart ain't that strong."

Finally, the IRS would also like you to report stolen property. "If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in the same year, you return it to its rightful owner."

"Hello, IRS? Yes, I'd like to amend my tax return from two years ago. Well, I have some stolen property, DVD players, computers, fine jewelry, you know, the usual, and I just realized I forgot to report it under other income. Now, can I just amend that on-line or do you want me to come down to the IRS office in person?

"OK, sure. Does it matter to you if I come down in my own car or, say, borrow a BMW out of the bank parking lot, as long as I assess fair market value for next year's return?"

Whoever said the Feds don't have a sense of humor must not have been filing tax returns. This light-hearted tax moment has been brought to you courtesy of the IRS and the dinosaur.

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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2005, Lori Borgman