Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Bill Clinton hosted a Democratic fundraiser last night in Harlem. He's three miles from the nearest Republican there. Bill Clinton will go down in history as the first white Southerner ever to move to Harlem for his own personal safety.

Anschutz Exploration Corporation dropped plans Tuesday to drill for oil in a Montana valley that many Indians consider sacred. They should be careful what they declare sacred land. Next thing you know, it will be overrun by Palestinians.

Karen Hughes resigned Tuesday as White House adviser in charge of communications. She ran an awfully tight ship. In fifteen months there were only two leaks at the White House, but she's not responsible for what Barney and Spot do in the Oval Office.

Al Gore leads Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination for president in the latest poll. He's ahead 36 percent to 18 percent. Hillary would be polling a lot stronger among Democrats, but she refuses to give up hair spray, Earth Day or no Earth Day.

John Ashcroft announced the arrest of 138 airport employees in Washington D.C. Tuesday. They lied, they misrepresented their background, and they gave false information in sworn statements. Under local law, they were arrested for littering.

French president Jacques Chirac accused rival candidate Jean-Marie Le Pen of being an extremist, a racist and a xenophobe. It must be true. When John Rocker entered the Rangers game Tuesday night, the organist played the French national anthem.

The FBI said Monday that last fall's anthrax attacks were likely the work of a loner and not a foreign government. The CIA is not so sure. They looked into Saddam Hussein's personal job history and sure enough, he started out in the mailroom.

Fidel Castro embarrassed Mexico's president Vicente Fox by releasing a tape of a private phone conversation they had last month. The Cuban dictator asserted that making secret telephone recordings is a normal part of governing. You don't outlive Bobby Kennedy and Richard Nixon by guessing what people are saying about you.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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