President Trump pressed his charge that Barack Obama wiretapped him as Democrats looked in vain for evidence of Trump-Russian collusion Wednesday. The ire is intractable. The latest poll reveals that one hundred percent of Americans think fifty percent of Americans have lost their minds.
• President Trump stood by his charge that the Obama administration surveilled his Trump Tower office. A thought hit me while microwaving my bacon this morning. If the CIA is watching, would one of your agents call me and tell me where I left my keys when I got in last night?
• Former Director of National Intelligence Jim Clapper said Sunday he found no evidence of Trump's campaign colluding with the Russians last year. No one heard him. Tonight Rachel Maddow will investigate to see if Vladimir Putin is conspiring to help Trump University win the NCAA basketball tournament
• The Pentagon acknowledged Monday that U.S. Marines are now on the ground in Syria to help root out ISIS forces. It appears we're staying in Iraq and Afghanistan as well. America is a country that produces citizens that will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
• The White House rolled out the red carpet Tuesday for the arrival of a Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia for an Oval Office meeting with President Trump. They made quite a sight. He was born into immense wealth, has multiple wives and wears an elaborate head dress, just like the Saudi prince.
• The Centers for Disease Controls warned people in South Florida that the Zika virus has been found in sperm bank samples. No need to panic. Statistics show that more Americans have been married to the Kardashians than died from the Zika virus, and the Zika virus victims suffered far less.
• The Border Patrol reported that the number of people trying to cross into the U.S. has slowed to a trickle this year. Advertising makes it happen. The Trump Doctrine clearly states that if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day, but if you deport that man, you won't have to feed him at all.
• The Japanese government deployed an aircraft carrier to the Sea of Japan Monday to protect them from missile attacks by North Korea. It was an eerie sight to see Japan's flag flying from a warship. The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart of how many of them are terrified of Godzilla.
• Senate Democrats vowed to shut down the U.S. government rather than include funding for the border wall in the budget bill. The numbers say it. The cost of the border wall is twenty-one billion dollars and NASA's budget is only nineteen billion, probably because there are more aliens in Mexico.
• The White House cited huge jobs gains and a stock market rally in the first month of Trump's presidency. Even the losers have reasons for optimism. Radio Shack filed for bankruptcy a second time, and business analysts say if Radio Shack goes bankrupt one more time, it can run for president.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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