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Jewish World Review March 21, 2013/ 10 Nissan, 5773 An 'F' is a very 'Nobel' grade By Greg Schwem
A typical after-school entrance. I tepidly approached. "Any homework tonight?" "Mmmmm." A typical after-school response. "Are you still carrying an 'A' in physics?" "Unfortunately, yes." "Unfortunately?" "Don't get used to it Dad. By Christmas break, I'll be failing physics." "What do you mean, you'll be failing it? It's your favorite subject." "If I don't fail it, I'll never win the Nobel Prize." "Come again?" " When your teenage daughter orders you to "Planking, Dad. So, I retreated to my office, searched "John Gurdon" and discovered that SIR Had there been an "I told you so" category, the 79-year-old Gurdon would have two Nobel prizes for, as numerous articles stated, Gurdon was told he would never become a scientist. The world knows this only because Gurdon started blabbing about it during his press conference, informing anybody who cared to listen that his science teacher at Fast forward 64 years and there was Gurdon, humbly accepting his profession's highest honor for his pioneering work in stem cell research. "This stinks," I thought. Just when the world had grown tired of the Bill Gates "I dropped out of "Are you planning to apply this failing grades approach to all your subjects?" I asked my daughter. "No, just the ones I'm interested in," she said. "I really like Spanish." "Where's your Spanish book?" "Just sold it on "Young lady, do you seriously believe that failure in school leads to success outside of school? The way I'm interpreting Mr. Gurdon's story. . ." "Sir John." "Whatever. Sir John is saying you should never let anybody stand in the way of your dreams. If somebody says you won't succeed, use that as motivation to work harder." "That's not how I'm interpreting it." "No kidding." "Look, Dad, college is going to cost about "Only every moment that I'm awake." "Right. So how does this sound? I drop out of school now and you use my college savings to send me to " "That's where Sir "Sure. And on the second day maybe you'll get engaged to "Don't be ridiculous, Dad." "Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you." "Face it, Dad, a college degree isn't all it's cracked up to be anymore. Did you know "Really? I could have sworn Cowell owns a masters in self-importance," I said. "You know who did go to college? "Who are they?" " "I waited while she tapped the names on her iPhone. "Oh, they founded "I wasn't trying to be funny. Only logical." "Just let me coast through high school. I won't fail, OK? C's and D's ought to be lousy enough to achieve some worldwide notoriety." "No deal. You are going to study hard, make good grades and go to college. Get a degree in physics if that's what you love. Then go after that Nobel Prize." "OK, but just remember that I tried to save you a hundred grand. You and mom could have spent that on something else." "Like what?" "Maybe some stem cells?"
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Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of "Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad".
© 2013, Greg Schwem Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc. |
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