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Jewish World Review March 18, 2013/ 7 Nissan, 5773 Mommies gone wild By Diane Farr
And after having three, almost all at once, I didn't sleep in my own home for about five years. But now my two youngest are age 4 and I am entering "the platinum years of parenting" -- aka the post-breastfeeding/pre-teen ages of 5 to 10 years old, where, as a mom I get to redefine myself as a power sleeper. And perhaps even while on the occasional weekend away from home where the best sleep can happen, now that my babies are old enough to be trusted with a grandparent (and a constant rotation of baby sitters I pay double over a weekend). So how thrilled was I to receive an invitation to stay in a rented McMansion for a 40th birthday celebration with eight other couples, sans their kids and mine, in a pretty city none of us live in. Ah, to dream of three long days of eating more than just what is left on the kitchen counter. And the chance to sleep past 6:45 a.m. As soon as I arrive at this grown-up-getaway, I ask for a bedroom between two other couples whose little ones are around the same ages as mine. I also corral all of us in a corner of the house away from the single friends and those couples with older offspring, fearing those folks might be looking for House Music All Night Long. But as it turns out, mothers of young children can party harder than Marines on furlough. Because they are on furlough. And for those of us who don't get mentally sufficient time away from our kids, our R & R can become more desperate and messy than said servicemen alone in a foreign country for the first time with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a wad of American dollars in the other. Like when a woman weighing less than 200 pounds drinks schnapps from 9 a.m. until way past 9 p.m. Also note that this female hasn't eaten properly for at least two years, possibly for 25 years, and rarely gets out of her own home, much less drinks alcohol. It could lead to her crying at the dinner table while the group sings happy birthday to someone else, then fighting with a bouncer at a bar until he calls the cops, followed by robbing a centerpiece from a nightclub that has absolutely no monetary value and losing all subtlety in an attempt to steal a kiss from someone she is not married to . . . and then needing oxygen through a mask before being allowed to go to bed. While I strapping that oxygen onto two educated, highly respected, fully functioning members of society who are wonderful moms when not out on Friday night -- or again on Saturday night when this happened all over AGAIN -- I realize this is not just these two ladies' personal midlife crisis. It is that of my entire generation. While on the bathroom floor with Party Patty and Dancing Dana out cold, I accept the fact that I too needed a hit of O2. A literal breather. Because although I didn't get sick or attempt a nonmarital makeout, I did many things to myself that I spend all week telling my children are not good choices. Too much cake, too much drink, too little sleep, not enough kindness toward others . . . or myself. But whom do I call when I need to regulate? And how do I -- and the otherwise moderate women temporarily hijacked by alcohol on their one weekend free of children -- find more time for ourselves while taking care of the kids so as not to implode on our time off? While flying home more exhausted than when I left, I conclude that the only person who can prevent a mommy-meltdown is Mom herself. Sure we can say our partner, parent, job and country won't allow us a break from our beloved and their unending homework/sports/playdates/need to do everything we didn't as a child -- but if we are old enough to have children, we should also know that every adult is in charge of his or her own happiness. Yes the adage says, an unhappy wife leads to an unhappy married life -- but an unhappy mom is like a family bomb. So it is my job to get out there -- to yoga, the book club, a ladies lunch or even a happy hour, but to do it on a regular basis -- so that it doesn't end in medical assistance the next time I get off the parenting hamster wheel.
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Diane Farr is known for her roles in "Californication," "Numb3rs" and "Rescue Me," and as the author of "Kissing Outside the Lines."
© 2013, Diane Farr Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc. |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
