Jewish World Review March 26, 2012/ 3 Nissan, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended New Orleans coach Sean Payton a year without pay for his bounty system to injure opponents. It's harsh. Roger Goodell hit the Saints so hard he collected a thousand dollar bounty from the other sports commissioners.
John Edwards denied reports Friday he used campaign funds to hire a call girl while running for president. It's sad. The moral of the story is, always use your own money for your four hundred dollar haircuts, for your call girl, and for your mistress's video camera.
Congress passed a bill Thursday banning insider trading by House members. It's a watered down version of the original bill. It strictly bans insider trading by members of Congress but it has exceptions for stocks, bonds, real estate, currency and precious metals.
President Obama looked at oil wells on federal lands in New Mexico before flying to Oklahoma to inspect a pipeline Thursday. He encouraged more oil exploration. Los Angeles is sitting on an ocean of crude, but you can't run a car on reality shows and sitcoms.
President Obama assured an Oklahoma crowd Thursday he favored oil drilling. That went over well. The president was on the road to publicize the Obama Doctrine, which states that the federal government can solve every problem on earth except high oil prices.
Disney said its movie John Carter lost two hundred million in one month. They said it was a mistake to make a movie about a Civil War soldier on Mars. It's the sequel to another flop called Jimmy Carter, which also lost two hundred million every thirty days.
Al-Qaeda's Mohammed Mera was shot and killed by French forces Thursday after he held them off for thirty-two hours. It's been a long year for al-Qaeda. First they lose Osama bin Laden and now France's first military victory in two hundred years comes at their expense.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton